I struggled with the relationship I have with my mother, she has borderline personality disorder. Reading the book "Children of the self-absorbed" changed my life.

Don't have resources, but a lot of sympathy. I had to go to therapy to understand my mom/her motives and how to be okay with the fact that I'm never gonna be enough, but also that I am my own person. So anyway, hugs.

I was bullied at school from when I ws 11 to when I was 17... People beat me off (or tried, sometimes I won the fights :V), called me names, took my stuff and one day they even played a game where they couldn't touch me so they wouldn't get "desease". It made super hard for me to deal with people until I started…

I hesitate to say never, but: a sincere apology is never out of line. It's not about the response you may or may not get; it is simply one of the most meaningful communications you can make in a lifetime, and there is a chance it will bring the person relief, closure, even satisfaction.

Several of my middle school bullies attempted to friend me on Facebook many years after the fact, and I just flat-out refused to add any of them. She'll undoubtedly remember your name, so if you do try to connect, be prepared for the fact that she may shut you down and/or not be willing to hear anything you have to…

If you're only doing it to for yourself the don't do it.

Absolutely apologize. I would be thrilled to be contacted by my former bullies with apologies. I've gotten two such apologies and forgiven them both, and even though a number of my former bullies still haven't reached out to me in any way just having those two say they were sorry helped to heal some of the general…

If one of my tormentors found me on Facebook and apologized, I am pretty sure my reaction would be to say: "That's nice for you. Never come near me ever again.", and then go ahead and re-live all the awful things they said to me back then. It's been over 10 years and no one is the same person they were. The person…

Sure. As long as you realize and remember that this apology is all about you and your feelings and you shouldn't expect anything, even acknowledgement from her.

Yeah, there's something to be said for the self-awareness to realize both what they did and why it was wrong. I've seen quite a few bullies who simply don't remember any of it. Or they say they don't. Like it was just another normal day doing what any normal person would do.

I was bullied almost every day of my middle and high school years, self esteem issues, suicidal thoughts, social anxiety etc... all lasting longer than twenty years.

This topic always resonates with me, because I was bullied in the 5th grade by my former bffs and it was utterly scarring. 40+ years on, I can still be triggered, though much less. For a long, long, time I actively hated my tormentors and had to do so much work to move past it. Thanks to Facebook, a few years ago I…

I had a former bully find me on facebook and write a really long, heartfelt apology. I actually meant a lot to me and I really appreciated it. So I guess different people react different ways, but from where I'm standing, I would give it a shot.

As I pointed out in another comment, I absolutely would never want any of the people that bullied me when I was younger contacting me to apologize. Every person is different, and everybody's advice for this will be different, but in general, getting a message from any of them out of the blue would actually ruin my…

Tbh I think you posed this question to the wrong crowd. It's no surprise that most commenters here have been bullied, and they're projecting their resentment at their former bullies onto you. Not that anyone here is flaming you, per se, but....the responses haven't been super relevant or helpful. I'd ask elsewhere.

I'm surprised by everyone's suggestion to apologize if you run into her in person. That requires an immediate response on her part! Social obligations might make her feel obligated to accept it and tell you it was no big deal. That feels like a fucking ambush!

You can't predict the response to a decades-late apology, so I second the suggestion that you should apologize if you run into her in person and leave it alone otherwise.

Seriously, leave her alone. She's already chosen to forget you. Your role in her life has been spent a long time ago. I don't mean this to be mean, but this is probably her thoughts on this, coming from someone who was tormented by multiple people in her youth. You would only be apologizing for you, and thus the…

I think, if it were me, I'd like an apology.

I disagree with everyone telling you to not contact your victim. In high school, I was bullied to the point of being suicidal (graduated in 1990, for reference). I still have self-esteem issues from it, even though I am now a pretty well-functioning 42-year old.