This was an Indian wedding wasn't it? I'm Indian and LOVE LOVE LOVE going to our weddings but the fucking powerpoints and bragging out being doctors is the worst! I refused to have a powerpoint of pictures at my wedding and my parents pouted about it for months.

I missed that particular day of Sunday school, but are we supposed to stare directly at the demon's dimple-less right side to defeat her or avert our gaze and pray harder?

Sparks did this interview in a coffee shop while sipping an americano latte venti, with soy. He had to dust the cinnamon from his perfectly trimmed mustache. At the end of the interview he patronizing explained why his tattoo of Fabio was ironic, ever so often adjusting his thick, horn-rimmed glasses to sneer. Then…

Right? That sounds amazing!

why are there not fifty thousand movies about these chicks. fifty. thousand.

I would really like for TSwift* to add Sarah to her circle of best cool lady friends, give her a personalized guest room in her apartment, and routinely bake her cookies for a few months.

I CAN'T HEAR YOU THROUGH THE SOUND OF ME GOBBLING DOWN ALL THESE NOTHING BURGERS.

Also, there's this irrational fear that bigots have that they will be treated as awfully as they've treated the oppressed group, thus, acknowledging that the oppressed group got a shit deal. White racists irrationally feared that black people would enslave them and treat them as subhumans (still do. Look at all the…

Nobody puts Baby on the floor.

I would SO watch that! Remember "Celebrity Death Match"? I nominate them to do this in real life! I bet Ariana Grand-Latte has some real deadly weapons hidden in that ponytail!

YES! And it will be epic.

#notallvultures

Scott is having trouble with drinking and he is worried about all the responsibilities of being a new father

I think Mayim Bialik should have a job on tv where she just complains about things. You know, like the old dudes used to do on 60 minutes? She can be all "What is the deal with Frozen? In my day, princess movies weren't all into male bashing! And what is an Ariana Grande anyway? Is it a coffee drink? And why are there…

Justin McElroy from the My Brother, My Brother, And Me podcast summed the whole "should I hit on this person?" issue up beautifully: if the person in question cannot LITERALLY break into a run and flee from your presence easily and without social or employment repercussion, you are not allowed to hit on them.

Which…

Needs more otter.

This guy didn't even give me THIRTEEN MINUTES to respond to his message:

idk, i feel like you're mistaking professionalism/Good Copping with like, him not shoving her to the ground to arrest her- which is almost completely understandable since that's the best we can hope for at this point in the US. but he was willfully attempting to circumvent the law by telling her she has to give ID,…

I feel like someday we'll find out that somewhere in the back of one of Martha's greenhouses there's a plant with a heartbeat that gave birth to Pinterest.

When I wrote this article on the omnipresence of racism, I figured I'd link to it once in a while when everyone's just amaaazed at some everyday bullshit. Now I realize everyone would hate me in a week because I'd be using it every single day.