The Romans invented fried chicken, so I’m not sure why you’d bring that up - it came to the US via the Scottish (who would fry their own granny if she’d eaten a Mars bar earlier in the day), and Africa.

Warning: American [insert any food type] tastes worse than any other [insert any food type] you could get around the world.

Universal solution: Add water/mil/sugar to your coffee.
Warning: American coffee tastes worse than any other coffee you could get around the world.

I know you are just trying to be funny - but the rest of the sentence said drink tea, chai, maté - all of which will wake you up just fine.

Easy. Find some finely ground dirt, dry it to a powder, and mix with lukewarm water. Add a shit-ton of cream and sugar.

Next article will be “How to get the closest thing to 2005 Honda Civic when buying a new luxury car”

“We love exploring all the various cultures” - Hipsters in America

TLDR

That was my question, too.