Cappy Jeebs! aren’t going to make this happen with money - they will make this happen with hustle, grit, and gift baskets.

Cappy Jeebs are going to lead the Marlins to a whole new level of ass-eating.

This is downright tame given the rest of the comments but grilled peanut butter and cheese is pure heaven. Cheddar though - not american, and wheat bread instead of white.

It’s unbelievable to me that his name is Dick Talons. Why is the lust victim from Se7en writing about diet strategy?

I could absolutely see Bill Belichick reanimating his body and signing it to an incentives-laden contract...but brain? Hard to fathom.

“I think I got this.”

So is he eligible to be put on the IR now in standard format leagues?

He just wants to be somewhere where everyone takes a “more professional approach”

Oh shit, now what are they going to do.

Nah - the evolution of stats is about isolating the things a player does without any of the other cruft that comes with traditional stats. This is just the next iteration of that progression.

This is standard practice for passengers that violate their ticketed terms of service. Just ask General Vogel:

That video plays like a metaphor for my married sex life. Stuff progressing nicely, condom goes on...BAM, toddler is pounding on the bedroom door and then strolling in with a self-satisfied smirk.

Well fucking played.

Not to worry - like everything at Kentucky, this will only linger for a year before leaving.

He better cut that fucking hair. He doesn’t look like a Yankee, he doesn’t sound like a Yankee, he’s no Yankee.

There’s also the fact that he’s simply been so good...

Stevie Piscotty knows how to get hit by balls the right way. The Cardinal Way.

Why aren’t we doing a series of The Cardinal’s Lost articles again? Can we do that please?

I would be willing to take half his salary and be at least as wooden and insincere.

The cardinals are cheaters - I just re-watched every at bat and that ad was up 3x more for Cards hitters than Cubs. Looking forward to the Oliver Stone production exposing this conspiracy.