He might be a winner today, but who knows what kind of horrible shit he could be pulling tomorrow. Athletes aren’t role models. Look at this one-act play for proof:

It might be time for the Mets to convert Harvey into a reliever.

When beating Duke, celebration krzyld be kept to a minimum.

“Hey, great win out there.”

The parody becomes even more on-point when you learn he wasn’t paid for this.

Wolff is now back down in Florida

School Commissioner - “Broom handle? So I assume some sweeping changes are in order.”

So now that you have to make contact, does over-the-shirt still count as second base? Asking for a friend.

If Miller’s teams keep losing to unranked opponents, the only thing that’s going to hit a fan is shit.

That’s an incredibly inaccurate description of Yoenis Cespedes, and a particularly uninformed one. There’s no way that applies to Cespedes. Numbers in baseball, as we know, can be misleading, and I think you're selling him short here. He’s at least 32.

Yeah, but LaTroy Hawkins made his $47,462,500 at $14.00/hour.

Now to persuade Jim Tomsula to move out of the big suitcase.

Coach Tomsula: Does anyone know how to get a mouse out of a vacuum cleaner motor? Just curious.

Chris O’Donnell is still the worst Dick Grayson, but Allen is closing the gap fast.

I don’t even want to know what Papa John is doing to his bowel. Oh, and then there’s the pizza.

Portis: Always bet on black!

No, they lost, 108-105. Did you watch the game?

“OK, but what if, just for argument’s sake, there are two LA teams, and neither has a soul?”

Wu Ke mistake.