That sounds like the beginning to a really shitty version of Zork.

Let’s give some credit to the Minnesota athletic department here. They suspended the alleged perpetrators immediately, publicly released the report of the allegations, and met with the rest of the team within 24 hours. Compare as opposed to the usual bullshit say nothing and hope the problem goes away because there…

Because we need to get our minds off things for a bit, and because I think Craig Sager would want us to smile:

Have you ever considered introducing yourself over the phone as “Sargent, Jordan?”

Think the rule should be as long as he’s out the offending team can’t have a defense on the field. Still not sure the Eagles would score but worth a shot

Damn. Can we get a rule instated that for as long as a player is being evaluated for injury that resulted from an illegal hit, the player responsible must remain out as well?

Notre Dame players think that they can simply apoligize during the last minute of the game all their personal fouls will magically disappear.

I thought Deadspin would be excited about the decision. Finally an American sports team is going to reuse an old Arena.

I’m 29 and I can not tell you how many times I’ve daydreamed about going back and playing little league, not as a kid, but as an adult. I would fucking dominate and feel a power that I’ve never felt before. Imagine getting a 40mph floater right down the middle and taking it deep, rounding the bases while staring…

Getting tackled by a girl is nothing to be ashamed of. Now getting tackled by a kicker...

If they had thrown a soda can instead of beer, would it have counted as a pop fly?

I HATE having to buy a new vacuum every year or two!

If Noah doesn’t want to support an organization that ruins young men’s lives then he shouldn’t have signed with the Knicks.

I’m a little rusty on my Genesis, but on what day did god decide the female/male soccer question?

I was not expecting that kind of a response. Well done.

And now he’s going to be disqualified for having the runs.

“If I didn’t have puke breath, I’d kiss you."

I really blew an audition once when we were supposed to be doing funny improv’ed banter and I was asked what movies would be terrible musicals.

Finally, the moment my stupid Kinja handle has been waiting for.