Truthfully? I had to stop a minute and realize that GM isn’t General Motors

Oh, no the red is next to the crunchy.

god why do people enjoy themselves in public when I’m trying to be a cranky mccrankster

I stop being friends with them. And now, in my 27th year, I have thinned out my friend ranks because it’s not my job to educate or enlighten or try to change people’s minds. There’s no way in hell I can act civilly with the lady I went to high school with who’s intensely pro-birth/anti-choice. I don’t have the drive…

Buddy of mine jumped the rails for a while....got arrested. Not for the trains thing....turns out he sold crude pornographic drawings of the Tomb Raider to kids from here to Wichita. I guess he’s dead now. I think of him every time a train goes by.

“According to his children, the dad’s last words were- and I’m paraphrasing here, your Honor- “I want to see a manager, those grills marks look crunchy and I’m allergic to crunchy.”

And then spray her in the face with the little squirt bottle reserved exactly for these instances of being a horrible person.

This entitled housewife looks back at her impressionable child and calmly says “She is yelling because that girl deserves it, the service is terrible every time we come here.” And then she looked me straight in the eyes.

I have been to the one in Foley, AL (apparently, the only location outside of Missouri) more than once and those rolls are the lightest, fluffiest rolls ever. Unless the roll was being fired out of a t-shirt cannon or stronger, there is no way a roll did permanent damage.

So now we know what Mom’s “O” face and soundtrack are like...

This shit is so ridiculous. I had an abortion at PP. I was actually quite conflicted about it (I’d always been sort of pro-choice, but I never really thought that much and I though I could never have an abortion until I found out I was pregnant two weeks after finally leaving my abusive ex—and it was definitely his).…

One of my biggest fears. Walking down the stairs at a venue I white knuckle the railing. Once I’m seated I gauge the fall. Once I get up and “do the seat space shuffle dance” I start to wonder “What would happen it I jumped”. Then I have to resist the urge to jump.

After watching Scott Walker shamelessly declare that he’s ok with forcing women to die giving birth, this is exactly what I needed to see.

The contractor building our deck & gazebo would spend a significant amount of each visit telling us how people were always failing to pay him. We’d paid him half the cost up front, to cover material and some of the labor.

90% of the way through the project, he stopped showing up. He returned a couple of calls, saying…

I get the why. I had been living above the Mason-Dixon line for a decade, Boston had started to make me think that gray was a color.

AHAHAHA, did she think Putt Putt was part of your faith too?

two words:

“It’s no cooking bacon on a machine gun, chainsawing the tax code in half, or smashing a cell phone with a blunt object, but it’s a solid stunt video in that it is both mildly impressive and definitive proof that the candidate is a desperate whore.”

I worked the opening shift and since my coffee house was in the middle of a Christian suburb, it was always very busy, especially on Fridays.

It continues to amaze me that some customers think that people who professionally make coffee drinks don’t know how to make coffee drinks. Like a barista doesn’t know how to make a cappuccino?