Why, once I was chatting with my own dear mother - okay, complaining bitterly about this and that. I exclaimed "Why didn't you just strangle me at birth?" "Well, I always assumed that eventually somebody else would do it for me," she replied.

For some burns, context is everything.

My grandmother was the most polite person I’ve ever known. Not necessarily the ‘nicest’, but in the tradition of fine scottish-descended, church-going, tee-totalling canadians, I don’t think I ever heard her say anything harsher than a quiet ‘tut-tut’ in her whole life. She was…

In grade eight, a boy in my class was utterly horrid to me. He wielded every devastating insecurity a 13 year old girl could have like a weapon against me. He relentlessly chastised me for being ugly, smelly, a square (sexually inexperienced), and unpopular. I shit you not, he once announced loudly enough for the…

I don’t think I’d want to be around my wife if she found out that she was going to have to give birth again in a few weeks.

My best friend and I did LA —> DC via the deep south. I think that trip saved my life; the day before flying out to meet her (I was helping her drive her stuff from college back home after she graduated) I was at such a low point I almost didn't go. A friend had died and the love of my life had shattered my heart in…

Planned on doing route 66 with my Dad once he got his 1969 mustang finished. He passed away almost two years ago. Finishing the car and taking that trip solo is going to be brutal.

YES. This is so beautifully written. I drove from NYC to Vegas and back last year and felt exactly the same. So much so I'm going back for Road Trip 2: The South, in August. Number 3 will be Route 66 for sure. America is incredible.

I don't know if the mission of FlyGirl is to make me have embarrassing outbursts of emotion while at work, but if so it sure it succeeding.

A near miss. I went to the NY Film Festival a zillion years ago. This guy walks into the Soho Grand with a group of people, mostly women, but I can’t for the life of me figure out who he is. Eventually he sends his friend over, “Hey, you want to come over to our table?”

This post needs some cheering up. My grandma (stay with me) has a grand tale of taking a plane ride with her newborn son to visit her parents and getting sat with the coasters (ye olde band, “yakety yak”, “charlie brown”, “other novelty songs”). billy guy (alllegedly) kept chatting her up and making eyes at her…

Pulling into the cul-de-sac in my former neighborhood one day after work, I spotted several news vans surrounding the house on the corner, with their broadcast antennae at full attention and reporters primping for the upcoming 6:00 newscast. Intrigued, I flipped on the TV to see what was the matter. Lo and behold, my…

Right hand on pink, left foot on stink.

Go-Gos.

This one is dated, and doesn’t technically involve the musician, but I’ll share. Also, I’m not sure if it is true, but considering my aunts love to tell the story when they’re drunk, and my mother gets all huffy while not explicitly calling it a lie, I believe it. My mom and two of her sisters came to the US (she’s…

Did she have some big titties with a matching ass?

Courtney Love stage dove onto my head back in 1995. In trying to not to get my neck broken, my hand slid into her sweaty sweaty buttcrack. That counts right? So nasty...

She said he was suuuuper into cunnilingus. Which is cool, but dude. You can afford soap, I know it and you know it. Also, She has never really specified, but I assume the smelly also included some kickin’ breath and that feels like some bacteria I wouldn’t want running rampant through my downstairs.

Not much, but:

A female friend was in an elevator with John Mayer and he pulled Lil’ John out and said “Isn’t this lovely?”

You're not allergic to red OR crunchy?? Lucky dog.