Like most people, I was an gangly teen- all pimples and limbs and braces. I had a huge, super nerd-girl crush on someone I’ll call Joe. Joe was a year older than me even though he was in the same grade, and had bit puberty sooner as a consequence, so was more man-than-boy shaped. Ravelston likied.

One look at time on…

I’ll Debbie Downer this competition real fast.

Does ANYONE not pay attention to the road up ahead while driving anymore? I mean it seems like a lot of people waited to the last fraction of a second to hit their brakes...

Okay, here’s my manatee story: my parents retired to Florida in the early ‘80s. They were of modest means, but somehow my mother ended up in a very tony bridge club, and soon feared she was totally outclassed. The group met at each others’ houses and, as she discovered to her terror, always had lunch that featured a…

they never know which button to push, but they’re always cute and apologetic about it.

Perfect example of why every car in America needs an ignition interlock breathalyzer. Sure it would be an invasion of privacy, yada yada yada, and a pain in the ass for daily use for people who don’t drink like me, but it would prevent things like this and many of my friends’ deaths in the past.

I was studying abroad in Malta and my group was about to board a flight to go to Florence for the weekend. A girl in our group (who was planning on meeting someone she met from the internet) asked what movie she should watch on the plane. I told her to watch Taken. I enjoyed her reaction afterward when she yelled…

When I was in the Boy Scouts, my troop was planning a big trip to New Mexico for two weeks of back country backpacking. The adult leaders, the cruel bastards they were, had us over a week before we left for a screening of "The Edge". Not a great choice, as funny as it seemed to them. Luckily, when we did encounter a…

Because OF COURSE Tucker Carlson’s brother is named BUCKLEY.

Chill girl genuinely doesn’t take it to heart too much what others think of her.

Cool girl cares VERY much, but tries to hide it.

Yes!

Here’s the condensed version:

...the topic of this Golf Digest effort—“The Hottest Patrons at Augusta”—is just awful.

I’m going to use this post as an opportunity to tell you that since you sent me your book I’ve been reading at a one-chapter-per-poop rate, and the constant laughter has worked WONDERS for my bowel movements.

I’d love for someone to tell me that my success was inevitable.

Do something annoying (Like smoke), THEN ask if it’s okay.

I think Louis CK said that, by the time you’re 40, no one cares about you. They just expect you to do your job. That’s about right.

She’s right, though. I sprung fully-grown from my father’s forehead at about age 25. #Athena

Ah, if only she knew how much 17 (depressingly) feels like yesterday.

Our honeymoon was wonderful until our last night. It began as a lovely evening, we ate delicious food, drank entirely too many cocktails and retired to our hotel room around 2 am for some sexy time. We both passed out and the next thing I remember is being in an elevator on the fourth floor with the doors open. Our…