I'm beginning to think his heartfelt antics are just a distraction so we don't see Rita Wilson eating a child just off to the left.

Chastity merkin? Wait. Want that as my stripper name.

I assume "covered enough" means don't get a full Brazilian.

I know "horror" is a broad spectrum and doesn't simply mean slasher movies, but if you're going to put Black Narcissus in this category, you should include Powell and Pressburger's other masterpiece The Red Shoes as well - they are both breathtakingly beautiful films.

I know right??? I mean, I'm from the South. You would think I would have stories, but I have nothing compared to this. (I like to scare people and tell them that I've been to three weddings where I was related to both the bride and the groom. Two of the three were just both related to me, but not related to each…

The Old Man and Room 103.

"a poorly-ranked YouTube comment come to life"

Look at the eyebrows. Those are attack eyebrows. You can take bottle tops off with those!

I was rehomed by my biological mother throughout my teens as she would often kick me out and then just write a note of permission to seek medical attention and enroll me in school to whatever parent of my friends were willing to take me in at the time.

I love bread and I love cheese, and this is the first combination of the two of them I've seen that I wouldn't even attempt to eat. Even an abomination like Hawaiian pizza can be saved with some emergency pineapple removal, but I don't see anything wort saving about a Gerber sandwich.

I've lived in STL for 7 years and I've never heard of or seen one of those skin graft sandwiches. Thank the Maker (but not the maker of that f***ing sandwich)

THIS IS WHY WE NEED INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALISM. Sorry for the caps, but this kind of case DESERVES to be looked at and reported on as if under a microscope. Little snippets of information in tv soundbites and the subsequent social media outrage doesn't lead to lasting change like a well-researched article can.

I know people who prefer Olive Garden to really good Italian food. Doesn't mean I think their opinion matters.

To hold it down and keep it from squirming in the oven. Obvs.

Mister Tea and I are both from the same tiny Midwestern town and when we got married 21 years ago, we decided to have the wedding in said tiny Midwestern town because even though there is nothing to do there, it was still infinitely better than having it in the slightly larger Midwestern town we lived in at the time…

I had a similar dress. My friend came up and shoved her two fingers down the dress, between my tits. I mean, in my décolletage. I delicately objected.

Oh, we were never friends - we were colleagues, sort of. I haven't seen her since!

There was serious potential for Marvin interference at my wedding. My step mother is a crazy, fox news loving, motor mouth who can't stand to be in the same room as my mom (or rather, my mom can't stand to be in the same room as her), who also has a propensity for spouting moderately racist comments. She has no…

Not sure if this counts as throwing hands, but it certainly involved hands and was just flat out bizarre. We had our wedding at an historic beach hotel in New Hampshire. We had the main ballroom reserved for our reception and it was just lovely. We decided to do karaoke at the end of the night when everybody was…