Terrifying. That's why I make my watermelon wear a seatbelt.

With a side of freshly squeezed coleslaw

Oklahoma isn't "the South," but they are under the delusion they are.

We shouldn't expect any better because this was a southern fraternity*, so we should expect prejudice and should not be surprised. As a southerner, I find that insanely fucking offensive.

When I worked as a cashier customers like that were a mixed bag, because it's fun when you have time to deal with it but when you have shit to do and grandpa is talking your ear off, it sucks. I had many times when I knew the conversation with me was the only one that person would have with another human all day, so…

I'm a fairly consistent order guy when I find a thing I like. So on my way in to a new job and find a Jack-in-the-Box down the street. I order a #17 with no egg and a soda (I like my caffeine cold) and head on in. I continue this daily for about 2 weeks (spare me the outrage, Jack rules) and one day I roll up, take my…

That 5th story reminds me of one of my all-time favorite stories from tending bar. It was at this high-volume restaurant disguised as fine dining, and was right beneath a movie theater, so we got REALLY good at turning and burning tables. One day this sour-looking old guy sits at the bar during our slow part of the…

Oh god, I was at a restaurant for a friends birthday, when I accidentally took out a kid. I was just walking towards my table when I heard a scream, and realised I had just walked through a six year old, essentially punting him onto his face. I was mortified, I helped the kid up and apologised, and didn't think too…

"My Milk-Steak brings all the girls to the yard..."

"Methadone McDonald's" on Boren & Madison in Seattle definitely has a zombie problem, but it's generally the customers.

I worked the drive thru at McDonald's as a teenager. I was the perky, "Have a super day!" girl on staff that I'm sure everyone hated. I'm positive they were staring at my back, silently wishing the swift and inevitable crushing weight of adulthood on my chipper demeanor. Who could blame them?

The guy asking for the bacon sandwich in a kosher bakery week after week is a raging anti-semite and an incredible asshole. He knows what he's doing and thinks he's making some sort of stupid point.

Shortly after adopting our pit mix, I took her with me while running some errands. I had left her in the car while going into the store (overcast day, windows down, etc) while strapped in using one of those harnesses. About 5-10 minutes later I saw her walking down the isle in the store.

She apparently freaked out…

My thoughts exactly. Do we have a nationwide service industry zombie problem?

These customers remind me of the dumbest person I ever had walk through the doors of the Borders I managed after college.

Well you're just a bundle of joy.

John Kameroff, you sir, are hilarious. A tip of the monogrammed thermos to you.

Drugs are a helluva drug.

This is incredible. And the part that breaks my heart is that a lot of people I know, including about half of my family, will never even watch this, or if they do, they will outright refuse to see any value in it. Fox News is a hell of a drug.