While I believe that hot dogs fall under the larger umbrella of the sandwich family, it has transitioned into it’s own subset and can no longer be referred to as a sandwich. The hamburger also has it’s own subset. This business about a slice of bread with food on top is madness unless you are talking about the food…

Well, I was going to say that’s not kosher but it actually is.

My local medical facility will take donations, use them for a year, then cremate them and return the remains to your loved ones.

Shouldn’t Fredo Corleone be out on the lake fishing instead of giving interviews?

That dog has the most expressive eyes and I love the slight Christopher Walken inflection he has to his voice. I’ve watched the two episodes with a little caution though because my wife doesn’t allow me to watch things where a dog gets hurt.

Like these guys?

That’s because he thinks Leni is the guy that runs the deli in Trump Tower.

The boys are out tonight? That’s the same thing I say when I take my pants off after work.

Rather than relive one of my horror stories, how about the time I watched a 10 year old shit himself at Disney World. It was September of 1984 and the family and I were at the Caribbean Beach Resort just chilling near the pool after spending the morning in the Magic Kingdom. We were standing on a bridge letting my…

Ha, no. I didn’t even realize I wrote it that way until you pointed it out. Maybe in a past life.

I was just on the 275 in Tampa last week and got behind a couple of idiots driving 70 in the left lane.

It looks like he is thinking ‘Say the inner cities are living in hell one more time motherfucker.’

Any injury that happens during sex should now be called Getting Stuck in the Barney.

The first house we bought in the late 80s had a gas stove that was from the 50s. The only thing that no longer worked was the clock. We lived there for five years and used it almost every day and never had any trouble out of it. My only complaint was that if you had anything in the oven for over 30 minutes, it jacked…

The house my daughter just bought is less than 10 years old and the laundry is in a closet in the kitchen. It looks like a pantry when the doors are closed.

Kinda wish she would’ve answered the question with a “Watching me silently while I’m on the toilet.” That might have really shook things up.

I watched that three times before I realized there were people actually kissing in it.

Maybe she can use it to get rid of that cold sore on her lips.

How could that ever compare to this?

“Tilt that pie tin you call a hat at me one more time sister and see if I don’t stuff it up your bustel.”