My dog is on the left.

I can guarantee that sweater-setted lady does this shit everywhere she goes. It’s her mission to educate the little people.

The pause before she answers is just her going through the list of responses before she hits the one she can use on a morning news program. The most inappropriate responses are always the top three or four. Her answer was most certainly around six or seven on her list.

Yes. Sometimes that laughter was the only thing that kept me alive at the end of the day.

The convictions story reminds me of when I took a part time job to make ends meet. The first couple of days were filled with watching training videos. The start of my third day my boss is looking over the list of trainings I’d completed and asked, ‘Have you done sexual harassment?’ I replied, ‘Well, no convictions if…

True, but if you grind red pepper and you are allergic to red, then are you still allergic to ground red pepper?

For the peppercorn lady, everyone knows if you grind it you are no longer allergic. It’s a rule and rules are what separates us from the animals.

Or it could just be that the beach guy is stupid.

My mom passed along her love of horror movies to me but not really at the age appropriate times. I saw Blood Feast when I was 6, Night of the Living Dead when I was 9 and the Exorcist when I was 13. All the kids were loaded into the car and headed off to the drive in whenever there was a Hammer horror triple feature.

Yes, being accused of hooliganism is on my bucket list.

Just had an incredible rush of nostalgia. My wife used that when we were dating.

I want everything pornified.

Peanut Gringo? I that anything like a Pork Wine?

I’ve got an old Gerber that my wife gave me when we were still dating. It’s been my EDC knife for more than 30 years. It’s not the best knive I’ve used by any means, but it has a lot of sentimental value and it gets the job done.

My daughter will be 25 this year and she was an early bloomer too. I was fortunate in that she was very independent even as a toddler, so my wife and I did what we could to boost her confidence and to trust in her choices. She made some mistakes and we did too, but she always knew we had her back if it was needed.…

But aren’t you only supposed to eat oyster crackers in months that end with an R?

The ditzy waitress story sounds like someone walked up in front of the restaurant and just decided to be a server that day.

Now all I want to do is leave work, pick up the wife and dogs, put the top down on the Jeep and just drive. I can't thank you enough.