Look at John D. Rockefeller over here bragging about his bottles.

My grandfather died without ever having seen the cubs win the world series. So, my Dad, ever the crazy asshole he is, brought a radio out on the porch so gramps could listen in from heaven. We all thought he was going out there to jack off, but nope he was going out there to be with his Dad, which I thought was sweet.…

his tailor probably wishes for less vaughn

Is he ehhhhhh.......shooting a bowling ball here?

Holy shit I love this guy. Why your team sucks Ryder Cup edition. See if Magary will counter!!!!!!!

“They won’t take the risk to exhibit their free speech in a way that places their circumstance in jeopardy, so let them get out of uniform and do their protesting on somebody else’s nickel,” he said.

He really pulled that out of hit buttley.

Don't you dare talk about Whataburger or its wrappers that way.

My shirt was wrinkled until my wife ironic it.

HE DIDN’T FALL GOD DAMMIT WHY DID YOU EVEN POST THIS

1 case low sodium V8 juices

Ha! That sniper rifle sounds exactly like a Starter’s Pistol!

Held the pizza sideways. Pizza’s ruined.

Only an asshole would complain about shortcuts and say U instead of YOU.

Straight Up.

I like where you’re going here... let me put on my thinking cap.

That’s not the hot rim action that Kurt Rambis likes to see.

You have a stupid handle.