I'll be writing a strongly word, poorly translated letter to Têtu.

Fuck his dick, I wanna see the sexy poutine photo spread!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #LadyGravy

I live for the day one of our hockey arena proposals goes awry. Someone just called to set one up for our game next weekend....maybe that will be the one! *laughs maniacally*

Is there more in the Tower of Dick tag? I'm just curious....

Trying to teach pre-school aged kids to ice skate changed my "Nah, I don't want kids" mindset to "NO, I DON'T WANT KIDS, GET THEM AWAY FROM ME NOW!" mindset.

Yep, it is the same on Match. I am a firm no and most of the guys on there are 'someday' or 'definitely'. I'm just going to start a dating website called ChildlessPetOwners.com

We need to do a trade! I am trying online dating now and almost every guy's profile is "yes on kids eventually" and I have a permanent home in the no kids camp.

I am attempting online dating and am having trouble connecting with men who don't want kids eventually. I am in the firm NO category and I always have been. Balls, I say!

I'd be totally down for some sort of Irish/Scottish/Welsh uncircumcised dong tour. Where do I sign up?

This is fantastic. Everyone on Twitter is talking about The Jinx and I'm like, "I don't have HBO, I have no idea what is going on. Did Fred Durst's dad kill him? Please tell me he did?"

I was ready to live a sweet, child-free lifestyle forever, until I developed a deep vein thrombosis and pulmonary embolism from a combo of BC's, flying, and a blood disorder, so I had to stop taking them. After a year of multiple doctors (including a psychologist, because you know crazy women can't decide what to do…

I'm what you may call a rage-a-holic (as Homer Simpson says so eloquently "I can't live without rage-o-hol") but I can usually keep my composure in public. Not during the week I tried recycling some fucking cans.

I'm lucky if I can go more than a week. That's why I stay home much. Good luck to you!

Ugh, pets make me lose it. Our yellow lab, who was forced to live outside because my former stepdad was a piece of shit, disappeared over forth of July weekend. We put up flyers and eventually got a call from someone. My stepdad leaves and comes back and I hear my mom start to cry, so I know the news isn't good. I…

I only have to share laundry in my triplex with four other people (I'm the only single asshole) but they are all the worst about leaving stuff in the washer or dryer or doing laundry like everyday. My crude "set a fucking timer and take your shit out of the washer like a normal human" drawing has worked so far, but I…

I was trying to make this vanilla cake with red velvet heart in the center for Valentine's Day. I went to rotate the pan and ended up dumping the whole half-baked thing onto the floor. I'd already cooked the center of the cake and cut out the perfect little hearts and now all the time was for naught. I slammed the…

Mine is right now! I've been waiting all day to read Pissing Contest and now it is time to leave work, DAMN IT!... just kidding, I've had a lot, I just need to think of the best ones.

*productivity flies out the window* THE BABIES!!!

What do people expect raccoons to do, when nature decided to make them look like tiny, furry robbers?

You'd think someone called the Senate Majority Whip would be cool? It should always be someone cool, not some creaking old asshat. And they should also carry a whip and snap bullshit like this right out of the air.