I won't let you hurt me anymore, Mass Effect series! *runs off crying*

Dear old white men, shut the fuck up.

Classic Ogden! (I was unfortunately born there and even took a tour of the Standard Examiner's offices in middle school)

I've been listening to Lana nonstop for a month or so. I'm not much of a fan of her persona, but I like speeding down the freeway on the way to work singing "Ride"

I don't either, her voice bothers me.

I like the idea in theory, but between the messes I make in the bathroom and kitchen and their need for serious sanitation, I think I'll have to stick with washable rugs.

Anyone who uses the word "tushies" or any derivative of it should be thrown into a dark pit.

As usual Lupita looks like a goddess.

Shoot, I'm not even a parent and I'd disappear in the bushes. And then set the bushes on fire. Ewwwwwww.

I was in my late twenties most of my college career and it was in Utah, so the action was kinda dead. :( But I kinda made up for it my last semester having a three-way with two dudes.

This is a story about accidentally getting my asshole anti-weed ex-stepdad too high.

We routinely have pizza in my office and the two other women I work with are lactose intolerant/celiac and I just sit at my desk three slices deep. I could never live that life, cheese and bread are my everything.

I'm gonna get 'pizza' tattooed on my arm. That love will NEVER die.

Just got a new kitten and he is all #nofilter #humblebrag

Who the fuck steals Febreeze? Does your house stank that bad? Open a window FFS.

As someone addicted to rageahol, I'd like to think I'd give any groper quite the scream. I get a lot of practice screaming at my video game characters that are stupid and don't do what they are supposed to. Stupid assholes.

Are they still taking applications to go Mars?

It happens to me sometimes, a page refresh usually sorts things out.

As someone who poops a lot from IBS, I am Team BIDET all the way. Considering moving out of the the US because of it.