Goddammit, are you spying on me? 

holy shit man, this is too real. 

username checks out

This is shockingly accurate. 

The ritual is very simple.

Umm... That’s blinker fluid.

As somebody that exclusively buys high-mileage BMW’s with zero service records (because I’m cheap and can’t afford nice enthusiast-owned cars), here’s what I do immediately after buying a car:

1st gear - THE dumbest idea.

This is like the part of the movie where the hero lets down the little kid. I’m the little kid, and you used to be the hero to me.

How about this, have some money in the bank, disposable income, actually be well off and stop fronting.

Second this. It amazes me how aged a car looks when it’s headlights and taillights are scratched and fogged over.

No matter what you drive, it’ll make a better impression if it looks clean and well-taken-care-of (good paint, no dents, no torn seats, no trash inside, etc.).

2012 Lexus ES350?

Mother’s Back to Black

It is possible they had a way to make new keys.

See how every high end dealer in the north east prepares for countless winter storms multiple times a year. We would put cars on every lift then pull cars under them and make 19 point maneuvers to fill every car sized gap with metal.

Fist off Jason... first time commenter long time fan... Buyers can just get some of these off ebay and confuse damn near everyone.

IMO the best looking BMW ever built.

I know, if only something like that existed /s. It’s really my fault for not using it. I thought the comment was ridiculous enough that it would be self evident. But I hear and accept your point. This is the internet after all

I think we need an official internet sarcasm font/itallics/filter it is really hard to tell sarcasm from crazy comments that people actually believe