Why can’t more churches be run by Rachel Dratch? :(

I wonder if there is some tanned, leathery man sipping a martini at some trendy club on Melrose introducing himself to every lady like: “Nice to meet you, I’m so-and-so, gynecologist TO THE STARS!”

In Streets of Fire, Amy Madigan plays a tough-talking, ex-military lesbian who helps rescue Diane Lane’s character. Was supposed to be a dude, but one of the producers, in a rare instance of a producer adding something worthwhile to something artistic, switched it to a female role. Definitely made the movie better.

Yeah, the minister didn't seem pissed. He was as embarrassed as the rest of us.

These Spartans right here from the old onion article are to be feared:

These Spartans? From the famous Onion Point/Counterpoint?

I'll bet the man plundered her before running her over, too.

If she has a complete cardiovascular system, thought the child was an adult dwarf, and enjoys kicking people solely for non-ideological reasons, then I suppose we can concede that her statement might be accurate.

Can you blame the guy, though? Who doesn’t have a story of a friend or family member who realized they’d been overlooking their soulmate until that fateful day when he copped a feel and unloaded his magazine into the wall to show his devotion?

I’ve known people who have been through a few divorces and I marvel that they aren’t in financial ruin. How the hell do you get ahead when you’re dividing your assets every couple years? I’m glad Jessica Simpson could make it work, though. Remember when she got sued for a ton of money for not wearing her own brand of…

Wow. I hope for that woman's sake she was drunk enough not to have to remember doing that. Not that she doesn't deserve to feel embarrassed. *shakes his head ruefully*

My friend used to be in an emo-band back in the early aughts, but eventually he and everyone else from the band moved on, except for the guy on keyboard who was still trying to eke-out an existence as a musician. (Total stereotype of an emo guy, too. Hair dyed black covering three-fifths his face, jeans so tight they…

I knew a guy whose father came from Estonia, and he said their version of Halloween was kids dressing like hobos and knocking on doors for treats in homage to Martin Luther, when he was on the run from the Catholic Church and begging his way across Europe. Was the church you were dragged to Lutheran?

This gives me hope. When io9 released the news a few days ago that the rights to Octavia Butler’s Dawn had been optioned for television, I was worried that they might change the protagonist from a black woman in the book, to a white woman just because it might get more eyeballs. It is unfortunate that unless the…

Yup. It’s a gamble. But if you can’t get his balls, and you aren’t Ronda Rousey, clamping down on a chunk of some dude will cause him devastating agony without depleting your energy, and without requiring a lot of training on your part. It also leaves a nice identifying mark on the guy when you go to the police. But…

Nice work!

Well, it’s only if running isn’t an option. Plus, this lets you win the fight in a way that won’t completely deplete your stamina, so running will still be viable once you unclench your teeth.

I get scared when I am walking home at night because I am a girl who is bad at punching who also looks like she is bad at punching.

I hope people aren’t going to be Procrustean about what forgiveness means. It does NOT have to mean that you condone what was done to you, or that you don’t want justice pursued. For a lot of people it just means letting go of the rage and resentment you’re harboring.

Congressional hearings often remind me of my uncle, who thinks its cute, rather than infuriating when he says: “I’ve already formed my opinion, so don’t trouble me with facts!”