I have so many questions.

WHAT IF THE OCTOPI LEARN OF THIS?

It has three syllables.

TWIST!

They totally made this up didn’t they. Oh my God, they did, right?! The real questions is - what are they covering up?

All while wearing the most obvious, terribly-styled wig herself. It’s perfect.

Cue*

Seems like Bernie is following in Hillary’s footsteps on a number of issues lately. Is that leadership?

Decides to go on the lam somewhere outside the United States.

Jeb Bush: a sad sack vacantly pantomiming his way through a pointless presidential campaign if only out of sheer obligation, or the saddest sack vacantly pantomiming his way through a pointless presidential campaign if only out of sheer obligation?

Psst! Is it 20 years in a row? Or 14 years in a row and 20 overall? The first sentence of this article is contradicted by the quote from Gallup inside the article.

Ugh. NO. It’s not “rapey.” It’s not an inappropriate song. And it’s not wrong to enjoy it. Stop ignoring the context. Stop ignoring the era in which it was written and what lyrics would have actually meant. That “rape-iness” has been projected onto it retroactively is just unfair.

A committee, you say? Why, who doesn’t love congressional committees? The more committees the better Americans always say. A congressional committee should be in charge of this they say. In between their How To Start More Committees committee meetings.

Over/under on how many hilarious Obama/gorilla costumes at this party? Place your bets now!

As a doctor (and doctors take their go-to pen choice seriously), these are 100% my favorite. And you gots to go with dat 0.38, son. Anything higher than that is a veritable magic marker.

As a doctor (and doctors take their go-to pen choice seriously), these are 100% my favorite. And you gots to go with…

I’m holding out hope that the SNL writers/cast will get Trump to do something truly embarassing under the guise of “comedy.”