Do you have kids? I have 2. If my wife died, and I crawled into a bottle and mourned her for 7 years like I think I would (10 years in and I am still madly in love with my wife), it would be much worse for all of us than if I got my shit together emotionally and got back out there. Life is for the living, and Patton…

I was hoping there would be something about David Foster and Kris Jenner in this dirtbag so I could post this flow chart. It’s really a thing of beauty.

I can honestly say I have never in my life ever spent one second of my life concerned about someone seeing my butthole during sex. It has never even entered into my mind.

Okay, I admit to not having watched this show since maybe the 3rd season, but are you seriously telling me that Gretchen and Slade are still ENGAGED?! If that was not just a joke that went over my head...wtf? I feel like they’ve been engaged for approximately 1,000 years.

I’m only sad that the elephant that killed him died.

Turns out, someone did it for us! This is much closer to how I remember it!

Are you a woman or gay man? Because while you don’t have to be a woman or a gay man to appreciate The Golden Girls it really, really, really, really helps.

Rue McClanahan said one thing that most fans had in common was they would always tell her how they want to have a living situation like the GGs when they’re older.

This lay out simply does not make sense! The door is to the left of the couch. Start again and do it right!!!!!!!

They’re not stock photos...?

Yooooo!! I had to reread that Orlando Bloom quote in which he describes himself in a relationship as “intense... intense... but easygoing” like 10 times. I know it would’ve made sense to 13 year old me, but this old-ass-me just doesn’t get it. Did he even know what he was talking about?

...Neither of them were dead in 2005...........

Sources say my breasts are 77 percent farther from my chin since this issue hit the stands.

Also the “77%” statistic and the “you say” parts were just made up.

I enjoy the idea of writing in to a P.O. Box (in the mid 2000's???) to share someone’s cheesy online screen name.

Have men ever had to try on the red carpet? It’s good to be reminded Depp always dressed like an elderly gay windchime.

I love that these pages are taken from around 2005 (judging by references to ‘Charlie & the Chocolate Factory’) but are still holding onto that design and color palette from 1987.Like, I’m not even being snarky; I legit find it super charming. 

Womp Up Cancer, Jessica

if you are #TeamMadge on this one, please show yourself right now so the rest of us can easily identify and avoid the wrong opinion-havers.

I blame Phaedra’s propensity for lies on her extremely strict religious upbringing. It seems she’s always had to suppress who she really is in order to keep in line with her religious background. The lies over the pregnancy made me initially thing this - that it was “shameful” for her to be pregnant before marriage,…

I love Kenya. I can’t even really explain why, but I do. Her phone conversation in part four (“I don’t have time for that. Not today, not next week. Not next Wednesday at 3, not even Friday at 1.”) may be my favorite thing ever said on the show.