People are so bad at recognizing satire that it is a little sad...

Yes. It is putting it the other way so it is clear how ridiculous it is.

It's like Como Agua Para Chocolate come to life!

I think other people have appropriately called you out for your ridiculous levels of condescension and presumption ("sorry dear"?! REALLY?!), but I wanted to add the following: psychologists have written fucking 500-page tomes trying to explain what it is that makes something funny. Not only is that a difficult…

You have REALLY poor reading comprehension.

Also, this.

This is probably a futile exercise, but:

Your downtown dining and entertainment district?

Could he contact the 21-year-old and tell him he'll involve the police unless he cuts off all contact?

Could you ask for an extension until she has the chance to answer your question?

I was a swim instructor in high school, and I loved the infant classes for precisely that reason. You just dunk the kids in the water and, as long as you are smiling when they get brought up (and go "yay!") they think, "Well, I guess that was a good thing!" and don't cry.

Someone pointed out to me the other day that when straight men are getting blowjobs, they are seen as dominant, and when straight men are giving oral sex to ladyfolk, they are seen as dominant ("in complete control of her pleasure" or whatever).

But it's coming here next! I feel like Gawker made all their sandwiches with radioactive waste and is now like, "Oh, this extra eye I grew is totally normal. I am going to make your sandwiches with radioactive waste now too. Don't worry, we will fix all the problems associated with being radioactive. I mean, you'll…

I think that can work IF you don't have kids and IF you are both making living wages and IF you are both financially responsible.

...or just make it easier to get divorced.

If you don't have any plans to fight about things, it can be inexpensive because all you need is a lawyer to draw up the papers.

The dogs are DEFINITELY the men.

Wait... how is this open thread different from the Saturday Night Social?

I like the Star Wars prequels too!

I think Lord of the Rings was poorly written.