Mrs. Putin’s collar looks like it belongs to a villain from the Star Wars universe, and now that is all I can think about.

As a vagina-haver, I am so happy to have partner who loves and supports me, and actually TALKS about it. Dudes I’ve dated (even long term) in the past have said they were proud of me behind closed doors, but would often opt out of events where I received an award or accolade of any kind. My partner is at every event…

Well yeah, as a proud Phallic-American, I know it’s God’s will that I support my woman in a way that no other men can see, or else they’ll come in and try to steal my precious support structure. It’s also God’s will for my woman to talk publicly about how great I am at supporting her career. Anything else just isn’t do…

Yes. I think that he didn’t let her use a bunch of songs.

As dog lover, i feel like...this dog just is probably not enjoying life at this point? Oozing sore, tumor in the mouth, blind, incontinent, 17 years old, and for 3 years in a row its owner drags the poor thing to be put on display as the worlds ugliest dog?

It’s new cheaply made furniture. All my old stuff had a heavier base. Ikea isn’t the only one with the problem. Buy a cheap dresser from Target or Wal-Mart and you’ll get the same thing. Most of them don’t come with instructions to secure the piece to the wall. But also if a person is buying cheap furniture then…

Well if he’s buying and eating lots of bread in sadness it’ll be hard to keep up that six-pack so he’ll clearly be pregnant.

He’s been there/done that

Yes.

So is Calvin Harris going to be the new Jennifer Aniston in that there will be ten years of “LOOK HOW SAD HE IS ABOUT TAYLOR WHILE HE BUYS BREAD” pictures in the tabloids??

Calvin WHO? whats his last name, should realize it wasn’t mad love. His contract is expired.

The worst is when they would start to die and just chose the most gawd awful places and times to give up the ghost. You’d be out rowing on the river in the early morning thinking ‘oh what a lovely day!’ And then all these mayflies would take that opportunity to die and fall out of the sky—sticking to your sweaty body,…

As disgusting as the mayflies (or fishflies, as they are called where I grew up) are, they are indicators of the health of local water bodies. I try to keep that in mind as I am doing the freakout dance as I frantically brush them off in an attempt to reach the inside of my car without a hitchhiker in my hair.

I’m just here for the gifs of that awesome girl who hates being in her dance class...

YOUR MOM IS/WAS AWESOME.

My mom used to carry her own mini maracas in her purse because she never knew when she would need them. (She needed them often.)

Oh, man. I HATE when people say shit like, “Oh, you dressed up today, you look nice.” Like, they have to draw a contrast between different ways I dress or how much makeup I wear (or how your hair looks). The implication is that you what? Look like shit the rest of the time? HATE IT. Just leave it at “You look really…

He misses Harry.