Oh, we are about to fight now! NEVER SPEAK ILL OF PHIL!

My parents are homeless and 23 of their neighbors are dead.

My husband & I went out for tacos and our very little baby puked all over. It was the first and only time he ever puked copiously. We were both shocked and dumbstruck and didn’t know what to do. Chris Cornell was sitting next to us with friends and just smiled at us because we were both like, “oh god this is so…

I was in LA once and saw this woman throw a hissy fit at a popular sushi restaurant because she didn’t get star treatment and put ahead in line of the dozen or so people waiting. As she stormed out and into the back seat of an Escalade, partially tripping on her unusually tall-healed boots, I realized this woman had a…

My roommate and I were doing our usual tradition of smoking a blunt, grabbing a bacon egg and cheese, and sneaking it into the Lincoln Square AMC theater. We’re stoned AF, giggling about something in line, when the guy in front of me turns around halfway and I notice it’s FUCKING MARK RUFFALO. I promptly exclaim,…

When I was in my 20's and between a long bout of travelling and grad school, I temped at a hospital’s admin dep’t in San Francisco, which was boring as hell. One day, my boss told me they needed attendees for a speech Lynda Carter (AKA OG Wonder Woman) was giving on irritable bowel syndrome before maybe 20 people,…

Let’s say that I made some of those assless chaps that only Prince and cowboys are allowed to buy. Then, let’s say I put on those chaps, went to a fireworks store, lit a match, and started farting. When everything explodes I can’t call it a “poor decision!”

about whether players could protest the anthem

How am I supposed to befriend Jacob Wohl? His own eyes look like they don’t get along and decided they needed some space.

It’s a little-known fact that every cheerleader everywhere has the same name: Buzz Off. Believe me, I’ve asked dozens, and I’m as amazed as you.

It’s a requirement for Jezebel posts to have at least one factually incorrect item per story that could have been easily verified via Google. 

Since she wouldn’t allow her picture to be taken...

I dare you to read Barry Bonds tribute without tearing up a little.

looks like somebody needs a Snickers

Fire this man directly into the sun. Please and thank you.

Its literal.

I like you.

I love Halloween and its a crazy holiday if you stop to think about it but I’m 100% of the camp that says come and knock on my door, I’ve got candy for you. I don’t care if you’re 5 or 15 or 50. Its a fun day with no crazy morality or religious thing tied to it. Lets all dress up as whatever you want, go out and get…

1. Giants