I really need someone to loop the failed drop-kick and set it to yakety sax. Please?

It was a long time ago, but I went on a date with a guy who seemed nice enough at first. After the usual small talk, he was like “Well, we gotta get it out of the way... Are you the man or the woman?”

Matched with a cute guy on a Tinder. He had a shirtless mirror selfie which is usually a hard pass for me, but he seemed sweet/nerdy so I talked to him. He tells me he was heavy growing up and really awkward with women. I’m thinking “This guy doesn’t realize he’s hot.” I’m sick that week and home so we talk a ton and F…

Late to this party but chiming in anyway: In high school, I was thrilled to be asked to the homecoming dance by one of the star football players. The plan was to meet up after the game, then head to the gym for the dance. When I got to our designated meeting place, I was surprised to see that his entire family—mom,…

I had just broken up with my bf who my friends couldn’t stand. They browbeat me into going on a double date with friend, her bf and his newish roommate so that I wouldn’t be tempted to get back together with bf. 

My first date with my husband was two 40s in my bedroom and then hooray for free condoms! THIS WAS A PLANNED DATE.

I went on a date in 2007 which I was very suspicious of, having tepidly put off this guy’s gentle, unthreatening advances for months (due to 16 year age gap) and then finally receiving a drunk text formally asking me out that was surprisingly sweet. I hemmed for another week, then said what the hell. We went to a…

Met X through my roommates. The date with X was a bit of a bust b/c I wasn’t very into him. However, as he was about to head home on his bike, there was a ferocious storm that ended up lasting all night. X stayed over in my bedroom but there was basically no action—maybe a bit of kissing. Apparently, the 4 yr old…

...

You can think about ethics when your money situation improves. Sticking to your values won’t put food on your table and you’re not being asked to go on TV and make announcements that would go against your ideals.

I’m having what is probably my first weekend alone since my mid-teens after deciding to leave my husband about two weeks ago. Being alone is an adjustment but I feel like I can breathe. After years of trying to lose weight, I lost 7 pounds in the last two weeks, confirming my suspicion that he was sabotaging my…

I met my wife at a Halloween Dance, while I was wearing a hideous monster mask. This was an excellent strategy, because when I took it off my own homely mug looked good by comparison.

In the 1970s a university graduate hitchhiked from Glasgow to Tehran to start his new job. On the way he met a very posh man who was going to stay at his father’s house whilst it was empty. They exchanged info, and the hitchhiker was invited to a party at the British ambassador’s house. A ballet dancer who was friends…

As I’ve mentioned previously here, I met my now husband while dating someone else, but I was at a house party in high school at the end of senior year and everyone was drinking but me, so I felt hella awkward. I was sitting on a bed, and he flopped his tall ass down next to me, “why are you not drinking?” So I told…

Maybe E! gets crazy traffic because you never mention what the headline/drama/gossip is about so people have to click on the link?

Gosar is here already?

Jenny McCarthy. Although that’s actually pretty rational and with plenty of reason.