Hope you have an AirBnB account! Or, if you have kids, a lemonade stand.

This didn’t involve an injury, but back when I used to smoke a lot of weed a roommate had taped the handle on the sink sprayer so it sprayed at you as soon as you open the faucet. I think we were doing a big spring cleaning day or some shit and I went in to get some water or something... bam, blast of water in my…

A few years ago I was training for a long-distance bike ride and went out on a training ride one evening. Part of this route involved rural back roads and a bridge where I would ride out to the base of, turn around, and ride back.

I hurt myself on a dildo. Sprained both my ankles.

I worked at UPS loading package cars in the morning (4:30-8:15am) during college. We ran a little game where if, while sorting on the slide, we came across a package that had disgorged its contents* — usually from a jam — we would put the ones from Adam&Eve in the…

I was 16 and just learning to drive. My father and I had a big evening planned, he had a scheduled haircut which we were running a bit late for and then we were going to play tennis. I thought my dad asked me to go start the car, so I obliged even though it was summer and starting the car is a very minimal time savings…

In high school I ran XC. We are on our way back in when I school bus was coming our way. In my bravado I figured I would smack the ass end and act like the bus hit me.

I got my first concussion due to an extremely dumb confluence of events. It was one of those gym days where the teacher basically says “eh, do whatever you want”, so my friend Pete and I were trying to kick soccer balls from one end of the basketball court into the hoop at the other end. A few foot behind us, our…

One time while “luging” down a steep hill (SF Bay Area, wooo) on a skateboard, I had the genius idea that by placing my feet on the ground, I could propel myself into a standing position. So, when I hit a relatively level area of the street, I did just that! The only issue was, I still had plenty of forward momentum…

I broke a tooth when a fat kid fell on my head in gym class when I was in 7th grade.

Dr. Joseph Dolan: Right. Now, how long have you had these pains, Mr. Barber?

Came for this...nice work

I very much prefer this Babar:

Counterargument: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Marvin the Martian not being at least in the top five is a crime against humanity, and I demand a swift and savage retribution against those responsible.

Heard for years the stories about drugs and just didn’t want to believe it. Had a relative that worked for The Eagles in the Buddy Ryan era and said that one of the reasons Randall Cunningham’s family didn’t want him to date her was drug use. I thought that was crazy but it turns out they weren’t lying. 

<He got in a really bad accident on a Jetski or motorcycle>

The Giants entered the ninth inning with a 4-2 lead. Strickland took the mound, and here’s how it went from there:

Nah this is Wayne Brady level cold.

lol I’m loving it