Historians have long speculated over whether Hitler and Eva Braun may have had Jewish blood. Several DNA analyses indicate this may be the case.

Pretty sure you got the names on the wrong columns there

Bannon, Putin, or Voldemort ;)

I, for one, would call on the Navy immediately cease funding stealth ships and hookers for officers, and divert those taxpayer dollars for the Department of Defense to make payments directly to the President to lease space in Trump Tower.

If by “having too much equipment” you mean “purposefully maintaining the largest and most effective fighting force in the world” then yeah.

In terms of banking laws, IBBEA (Interstate Banking and Branching Efficiency Act of 1994) and the repeal of Glass-Steagall are the real villains.

This is my favorite explanation for Batman. He’s the most powerful and most dangerous, because he’s fully realized (and self-actualized) human being. The Greek Primordial Gods were displaced by the Titans, who were displaced by the Gods, who were displaced by the Heroes. So Superman may be the incarnation of Zeus, but…

They’re designed to stop your wheelchair cold and flip the pusher over the handles and onto the pavement. (True story)

Not anarchists. The white nationalists have learned that the Flint project successfully demonstrates the EPA can be eliminated since minority, immigrant, Muslim, and LGBT communities are not entitled to the same “clearer skies, cleaner water, & vast improvements to public health” as wealthier American citizens that…

Why measure 0-60 when 60-0 is much more likely to kill you.

Pretty clearly hominy and tripe, not sure why sour cream is there

No worries, I used your name and social security number, but my own W-2 gives me zero tax liability and max earned income credit. (got around 5K!)

Honey, it’s Mom. You Dad died last week and I’ve been trying to leave you a message, but the funeral was yesterday...

Like the folk song says... “And it’s only been two weeks...”

Remember - An armed society is a polite society. The NRA told me so.

The White House issued an Executive Order on Saturday banning empathy. Kellyanne Conway was quoted as saying “we are so inclusive and understanding that we have completely eliminated the need for empathetic responses.”

Not small fries. She lied with deliberate purpose and spot-on cost-benefit analysis.

Not two hours. It would take approx 3.67 seconds for word to spread on social media, then maybe 3 hours for someone to go visually inspect the situation

The RR3 track gives you sympathetic g-force reactions in your gut as you brake for the section where you crest the hill and come down through the esses (around 1:12 through 1:30 in the video)

The transcripts are kind. Trying to listen was even worse. The complete lack of cadence and rhythm has been smoothed over in the written version, and the condescension in his voice has been mercifully removed. (Although trace amounts are still visible on the written page).