What old man complaints have become your go-tos as you’ve gotten older?

Isn’t it kind of misleading to say the bundle was “dropped on a school” in the headline?

Needs more Alex Karras.

I have my 10-year-old son singing that now. I don’t think I should be proud but I can’t be mad at him either.

Only six beers per guest? What is this a tea party?

Ok... but what is this thing?

My college roommate had some kind of plan for basketball that if a team is a certain amount of points behind (say 20) then bouncing a ball off an opponents head and into the basket will automatically tie the score.

Delete? I thought you were more woke than that.

The best animal army to have is the herd of elephants with sharks on their backs, obviously. They’ll go around stomping and eating everything in their way.

I miss Bud Dry. I got kicked out of a bar in El Paso when I was 20 because my over-21 buddy thought he’d be clever and bring Bud Drys into the place. WTF, dude?

Agreed on the Yoda lightsaber “choreography.” It was added as a “Hell yeah!” moment for the audience but it’s also counter to what Yoda is as a wise old Jedi Master. Imagine if Yoda’s style was just standing there and parrying anything coming at him. Not as thrilling but probably more in tune to the character.

Could be worse — Watchmen treated it like a sexytimes song.

Why would I want a Triscuit when I could have a Chicken in a Biscuit?

No mention of the J-E-T-S Jets, Jets, Jets?

I saw a WWF TV taping back in the 90s when Diesel was the champ and was feuding with King Mabel. Mable cut a promo about how Diesel would never be able to jackknife him but he would certainly be able to give Diesel a belly-to-belly and I just thought “Wow, that belly can do anything.” Also, King Mable was one of the…

That sounds like a completely cromulent sentence.

I don’t know what Deion is complaining about, he can’t even catch Tom Waddle.

Remember when the first story arc used to just be kind of a shaggy dog to get everyone going to the main story? Like when the Simpsons went to the cider mill, or when Homer runs a marathon, or when the Simpsons got to Australia?

Yeah, and when Itchy plays Scratchy’s skeleton like a xylophone, he strikes the same rib in succession, yet he produces two clearly different tones. I mean, what are we to believe, that this is a magic xylophone, or something? Ha ha, boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder.

Dolphins can have Glennon if they want.