“What’s the problem? I was told to stand here, and wear this hat and jack..... oh shit.”

I agree. The Great Maple Syrup Heist of ‘13 was quite appalling.

I was wondering the same thing. They looked like they were going after him as he skated away but after the whistle they just let him go. Way to stick up for your goalie.

“Should’ve just used my set.”
-Jim Tomsula

“Can you hear me now?”

Northcutt: [rips apple in half]

“And so well spoken!”

“Call 1-800-SURPRISE-IT’S-ME-MOTHERFUCKER”

Such a ridiculous double standard when it comes to catching your spouse masturbating. The few times I’ve caught my wife or found out about it later I’m like “Hey now, that’s hot...want some company?” But whenever she catches me it’s all “Gross! What’s wrong with you? At least wait until the funeral is over!”

There should be an app. Like Uber, except you get a person to come pick up your opinions instead of you. Ya know, to put a friendly relatable face on the knowledge bomb. 

Well thanks for calling me out and embarrassing me; I use bing. You happy now?

As opposed to the usual super chill gang rape trials

“I’ve paid my dues, I deserve this. No one will notice.” - Chris Hassel dropping acid the morning of his Goal Line debut.

Thanks for the laugh dude.

Are you saying that if Darren Sharper didn’t have bad knees he wouldn’t have raped these women?

“See? I fucking TOLD you it was possible!”

- the last surviving member of the Warren Commission.

Pretty much how they use the side-walk as well.

So you’re saying it wasn’t lupus?

The real story is how incredibly incompetent her doctors were in diagnosing her. They thought she had lupus for Christ’s sake.