On a more urban note, Big Sean’s ‘I don’t fuck with you’ (obviously explicit).

Trump Sheen is the name for the glaze that coats Donald’s face whenever he talks about Mexican mosques

EVERY TIME SOMEONW STARTS TALKING ABOUT BROOKS I START SCREAMING LIKE IM DRUNK TAMRA ARGUING WITH VICKIE

I don’t really understand who Kim Zolciak is because I only have so much time to watch garbage tv and RHOC gets the bulk of it. So someone explain to me whether her cancer-faking is more or less salacious than Brooks’s.

I hate people who return shit just because they’re bored with it or they don’t like it anymore. That’s not my fucking problem, you dumb asshole! You ONLY return shit when it’s defective or totally unusable because it makes you breakout or gives you an allergic reaction. If you bought the wrong color? Tough shit,…

Shot through the tongue

I was 16 in 1994 and Weezer’s debut album, along with a few others, were the soundtrack to my life that year. It took me a few years to admit to myself that Weezer was maybe not brilliant and accept the possibility that they kind of suck. I think the blue album was more of a fluke than anything else.

If Blake Shelton is axe body spray on fire then Gavin rossdale is your brothers bod spray “really ripped abs” scent that leaked all over your stuff

God, at least spend the money on drugs or something

EXACTLY. MY first thought was ‘NO ONE WILL GET MY COIN JARS!’ but like, do i melt down all the change into a big middle finger or make thousands of wishes that people never touch my goddamn change?

This is great! When I die, I’ll probably do a similar thing with my fortune to prevent my heirs from getting it.

I have avoided this phenomenon to a large extent because I had the good fortune to read Andrew Solomon’s excellent “atlas” of depression while yet in my early adulthood. In it, he advises that we never compare our reality to someone else’s social mask. Essentially, he’s saying that comparing yourself to someone else…

Ahh, old loves. Burt Reynolds is still in love with Sally Field!

Bolt from the blue. The name of Kim and Kanye’s son? ADAM.

This story is bringing out the absolute worst in anyone.

I don’t want to bore you, but there are a lot of holes in this theory. Don’t head down this path.

I honestly don’t know why they are doing that besides trying to put the 18 year old ticket taker in danger...like what is that kid supposed to do if you DO have a gun in your bag? It’s so foolish. I haven’t had my bag checked yet, and I’ve been to the movies a few times since they posted the sign that they will check…

Strap it to your leg under your pants. They’re not patting people down yet, are they?

Really? So glad that practice hasn’t made it to my area yet!