Oh my goodness. He sounds like he doesn't quite live in reality. I can only imagine how the rest of the weekend went!

I wonder if he cheated...

My ex said men need to spread out so they don’t smush their balls. That didn't seem unreasonable. I have honestly never noticed men taking up more than their fair share of space on a bus or train, but I’m not that observant.

I think I have more awareness than anyone really needs to have of famous people and I have never heard those names ever

Oh, I get it now. I still think that was oddly phrased, but now I see it.

I reread that 5 times and was like “well I am stoned, maybe it’s just me”

I think your comment should be its own article.

“card-carrying hardass”

Your in laws sound like a trip!

Hahahaha that's great. I am tempted to do that the next time I think someone is lying. Make shit up and see if they agree.

I did not know they were married.

1) great username 2) you really thought about this and have a coherent explanation why it makes no sense I was just like “idk I feel like this never happened” lol

Drugs really do fuck you up. She might have been loaded and saw a plane crash on TV and worked it into her own memory.

Ugh! I’m aware of this, but I hate reading stuff like this! It freaks me out! I have definitely had false memories before. Not major ones (that I know of) like a plane crash, but insignificant things.

I just saw a video from a Flat Earth convention. The flat earthers all got together for a picture and shouted "we're not crazy!" instead of cheese. 

This comment is the best thing that has happened to me all day 😂

I want that happy falling over baby

Hahaha

“but you most certainly do not come for Kardashians under any circumstance”

Good comment