CONFESSION: I am not a pretty man, but I desperately wish that I was.

CONFESSION: I am not a pretty man, but I desperately wish that I was.

Not now, not ever.

Not now, not ever.

"Kippers for breakfast, Aunt Helga? Is it St. Swithin's Day already?"

"Kippers for breakfast, Aunt Helga? Is it St. Swithin's Day already?"

As if a switch had been turned, as if an eye had been blinked, as if some phantom force in the universe had made a move eons beyond our comprehension, suddenly, there was no trail! There was no giant, no monster, no thing called "Kinja" to be followed. There was nothing in the tunnel but the puzzled men of courage,…

As if a switch had been turned, as if an eye had been blinked, as if some phantom force in the universe had made a move eons beyond our comprehension, suddenly, there was no trail! There was no giant, no monster, no thing called "Kinja" to be followed. There was nothing in the tunnel but the puzzled men of courage,…

My god…it's full of greys….

I can't remember if I cried
When Sean O' Neill got really snide
But something touched me deep inside
The Day The Disqus Died

Hey, uh, I got an idea. We can play a game to pass the time. Er, I'll make the sound of a barnyard animal, and, er, you all try to guess what it is. Ahem.

That's great! It starts with an earthquake,
Birds and snakes, an aeroplane;
Lenny Bruce is not afraid.

We'll meet again
Don't know where
Don't know when
But I know we'll meet again some sunny day
Keep smiling through
Just like you always do
'Till the blue skies drive the dark clouds far away

Back before smartphones, the Voice was my primary reading material in diners, bars, and subways during my broke n' single NYC days. (I'd also read the print version of the Onion, but that's been dead for awhile.)

I blame the enduring popularity of the Ninja Turtles. Yep, this is yet another thing we Millennials have ruined—just add it to the list.

I can't be the only one who initially read "reboot" as "robot," can I? Because that briefly made this story WAY more intriguing.

It's pretty obvious Trump is no SlenderMan.

Awwwww, why can't we ever have all of the sex but none of the murder?

OK, that's it. You're due for a slashing now.

One dimly-lit boob? Don't talk about Kevin Bacon that way!