"If my demands are not met by midnight, the killings will start anew…"

We're all very concerned about David Letterman's beard!

You can say that you won't never come back here?

In alphabetical order, millennials are killing…

Outside of a dog story, TV journalism is pretty serious business.

I really like Ilana but man oh man does "Yaaaaaaaaaaas" annoy the crap out of me.

"The conveyer belt isn't just a stand-in for the American people. The conveyer belt IS the American people. We're a mechanized series of gears and cogs, all different shapes and sizes working in harmonic succession, conveying our sugary sweet message of optimism to the entire globe."

For the most part, I like to think every comic—every person, really—is doing the best that they can within the era that they live in. I think that the progressives of 20 years from now will be disgusted by ALL of us, perhaps rightly so…

Tigger, please.

Throw Julia Sweeney on the dungheap of history if you must, but LEAVE DAVE FOLEY ALONE!

Yeah, but how is this any different from when Barack Hussein Obummer went on Between Two Ferns that one time?

First Billy McFarland, now Martin Shkreli.

I've heard that if you get really high and scroll down the list, it'll spell out the plot to Wizard of Oz.

Let's just take a moment and imagine the conservative response had Barack Obama placed his entire extended family in charge of running the federal government and broadcasting "alternative media" to supporters.

Why don't they just find some loud cockney bloke to read the tweets for them?

Next to Trump, who's the most psychologically damaged President we've ever had?

This guy used to be scary as hell.

You're really doubling down on this "us vs. them" thing, aren't you?

I'm SO sick of hearing about the plight of "real working-class Americans" from a White House as seeped in nepotism and inherited wealth as this one.

"Ursa MINOR? I coulda sworn she was the other one!"