Ha! They're old! Everyone knows old people aren't supposed to have sexy adventures!

The best explanation of the American Dream I ever heard was "to be as happy as the people at the end of commercials."

"Welcome to McDonald's Moscow. Someday we shall be free from this misery of living."

I'm just plain not good at smiling on demand.

Hey, that's steady work.

What, no trilby?

I just wish I found Mike Myers more enjoyable to watch, is all. In any role he plays, even under layers of makeup and prosthetics and heavy accents, he has this tendency to do this irritating "ain't I funny?" mug after a punchline, often directly to the camera. Some people find that charming, but it grates on me.…

"Lay off the high ones!"
"I like the high ones!"

"It was an arranged marriage officiated by the Reverend Sun Myung Moon. After all, by then it was the mid-70's, and both Wendy and Squints had been serious acid casualties before discovering the Unification Church."

There's nothing in the rule book that says a cat can't play baseball!

Plus staying friends with the guy who tried to rape your wife, etc. etc.

The Sandlot belongs in that odd category of children's entertainment where the main character is this perfectly ordinary and fairly uninteresting kid, but he knows this other kid who's the most amazing, fascinating person in the whole entire world!

Hmm…pretty yet distant, topical yet irrelevant. Occasionally seen, rarely heard, and always safely out of the way while the Men make the big decisions.

There's absolutely no basses for all this animosity!

If you look at it in a certain way, pornography can be considered performance art.

I blame the Marx brothers.

You think THIS is boring?

Q. What does Kenny G say when he walks into an elevator?

As the wife of the most prominent black politician in American history, Michelle Obama had a pretty high bar to clear. She had to be poised without seeming elitist, tough without seeming combative, and accessible without seeming artificial. She had to prove all the haters and racists wrong about their pre-conceived…

At this point, is there anyone left who neither loves nor hates the Trump administration?