I'm friends with a legitimately beautiful woman with talent to spare—she's a Broadway performer, so she works in an area with plenty of predatory rich dudes. Once she was telling me about turning down multiple propositions involving penthouses and European villas and being picked up in a helicopter. (I know it's not…

No one told me, but…c'mon. I think I would know by now.

I'm getting so tired of the counter-argument that "Big Bird and his friends will be fine without PBS, they're on HBO!" It's about the kids, you doofuses, not the folks working on it—and not all kids have access to a premium cable channel. The show still airs for free on its original network, just as it has since…

Shucks, but I wish I was pretty sometimes.

You joke, but the hacky political spoof-musicals are a perennial thing too.

I'm just bitter. I've got talented friends whose work has been mounted Off-Broadway, but their shows will never be mentioned here because they actually have original ideas.

Not sure this story deserves a Newswire, frankly, as it's basically just a press release.

Disappointing movies are a category onto themselves. I saw Watchmen, Spider-Man 3, and Kingdom of Crystal Skulls with the same friend, a guy I've known since grade school whose tastes overlap with mine. Each time we went in psyched beyond belief, and each time we came out going "Shoot, now I'm just sad."

Let's see…I've fallen asleep during genuinely amazing movies. I've walked out of films that were wonderful but I just wasn't in the mood for. (Never see a Noah Baumbauch movie when you're feeling depressed.) I was one of many people who HATED The Village, but I've spoken about it here before. Plus, while I absolutely…

The best thing about "A Talking Cat?!" is that it looks exactly like the cast and crew of a soft-core porno had a few hours to spare between sex scenes, so they inexplicably decided to make a G-rated talking-animal flick. And it looks like that because—that's more or less what it is! (Seriously, check out the…

Are there even any rock stars nowadays out who could play a character originated by David Bowie?

IF YOU DON'T EAT YER SHRIMP, YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY COCKTAIL!

HEY! SCIENCE!
LEAVE THOSE SHRIMP ALONE

"IV and III and II and Wha-One—!"

AUNT BERU in: The Secret Life of Moisture Farmers

She's "hot" in the same way that a buttered napkin is "delicious."

So without the red hair, Tickle-Me Elmo is just a cackling, flappy-faced little robo-fetus.

Are we just a little too invested in this story? It's not like this person has been around for years and years. She's a mere blonde blip in the world of conservative media, and will probably be completely forgotten before the year is out (by which point she'll probably have reversed her all of her convictions and…

That's not nearly the most unsettling commercial they ever did. Remember when Orville Redenbacher was brought back from beyond the grave and converted into a horrible undead CGI mummy?

What's very telling is that, although men have been falsely accused of rape by troubled/vengeful individuals, I don't think there's ever been a single documented case of a GROUP of women banding together to falsely accuse a man of sexual misconduct. Even if you're rich, even if you're in politics, that's just not…