They couldn’t, they had already used it as their combination on their luggage.  

Oh good. Now I can get voice messages instead of emails from recruiters who didn’t bother to actually read my profile and want to talk to me about a job that’s a fit for someone with ten years less experience.

Nassar’s lawyers literally have “SADO” emblazoned on their letterhead. That kind of honesty is refreshing.

I’m going to need more than the defense’s claim that Nassar was assaulted in prison. Maybe he was just receiving unorthodox physical therapy.

A tax break for the rich, which actually HURT the average American?
Yeah, I guess we are welcome.
“Economic improvements” via a trade war driving up prices through tariffs?
Yeah, I guess we are welcome.
“Peace Progress” via embarassing negotiations that gained us literally nothing?
Hmm, yeah, I have to admit, we really are…

Justice Kennedy, I wish you a long and healthy retirement. I want you to shock your doctors with how healthy and cognizant you are well past your hundredth birthday.

More like Pooperintendent amirite

So I flew in here to Phoenix from Flagstaff because my manager doesn’t own a globe. He chartered one of those small private jets. I flew here on a plane this big, *holds up thumb and forefinger an inch apart* it was like a pack of gum with eight people in it. We were putzing along. We were going half the speed of smell…

It was Counter-Strike that distracted us back in my day but we didn’t have the mobile tech to play it at school.

The genetic fallacy (also known as the fallacy of origins or fallacy of virtue) is a fallacy of irrelevance where a conclusion is suggested based solely on someone’s or something’s history, origin, or source rather than its current meaning or context.

Shame America has this shitty system. Shame that so many American’s are happy with it and think it’s a great system because, “I never get sick why should I have to pay for everyone else?!”

Any time I see things like this I think to myself, “how did no one think this was wrong?” How many people saw that before it went on the bus, and everyone thought “yeah this is fine.”

This is unbelievable. Good job to my home state of Oregon for filling a jury pool with fucking idiots. Good job to the federal prosecutors for also being fucking idiots.

One way contracts. Owners can waive a player for any reason and not honor the deal. MLB guarantees contracts on both ends and they’re thriving. Fuck the NFL owners.

Chris O’Dowd is my forever dubious boyfriend.

Because that’s not what she did? She told them how she personally felt, but that she won’t do that because that is not what the electorate wants. She will carry out the mandate and platform she was elected on, even if it might conflict with her personal wishes. That’s how politics works, you naive idiot. What you seem…

The Blue Screen of Death. Someone’s going to have to turn Giuliani off, and then back on again.

Watching the cognitive dissonance hit him face-first is a thing of wonder.

And Chuck makes up for decades of being a pandering potatohead with one question.

I’m sure Giuliani’s brain exploded after noticing his own logical error.