Even after 3 years of taking German classes, I’ve never thought about Pizza Hut literally meaning “pizza hat” in German. That’s fantastic.

I know this is the site where the staff doesn’t yuck on anyone’s yum, but my memories of being revolted by Pizza Hut completely eclipse any memory of actually eating at Pizza Hut. I think the last time I did, I was probably under the age of 10. Even in elementary school, in an age when haute cuisine consisted of…

We never got a confession, but my immediate family was convinced that my grandpa and his wife were buying Easter candy on discount the week after the holiday and saving them for the next year. For most candy that’s not a problem - maybe the jellybeans had a slight crunch to them before you got to the chewy center -…

... and who ever, ever eats a pint of ice cream across 8 separate snacks? Just tell me it’s 1400 calories. I’m still gonna eat it in one sitting while sitting in my bed, watching Jerry Maguire alone on Valentine’s Day, but now I know I didn’t forget to carry the 6.

Yes! Yes! I’ve always said Martian is the best plarnet!

I always associated tri-tip with being tough, dry, and only edible with copious amounts of steak sauce. When I got out of my parents’ house and started moving around through other parts of California, I met so many people who were enthusiastic about tri-tip, and it was like, “OK, weird, but you do your thing.”

Wow, that’s pretty egregious! Kinda surprised the brass didn’t compare the two stores and notice the difference in the trends being absolutely diametric opposites.

I had a manager who would fax over the Sunday-through-Saturday weekly schedule on Sunday, hours after the schedule actually took effect. He wouldn’t take time-off requests into account when writing the schedule, and one time after he flagrantly disregarded an employee’s request for a day off because he was renting a…

Pizza? Now that’s what I call a taco!

I’ve been on a health kick, largely fueled by dropping alcohol completely and listening to my Fitbit when it says I need to get off my ass and do something with my life, but also by saying, “Well, maybe I shouldn’t get fast food today,” and, “I already had fried food earlier this week. I can have more cheat meals when…

Yeah, we’ve lost a lot of games to people whose answers, although genuine and unhacked, were indefensible. “What? That’s not even a flower!”

EVERY DAMN TIME

I love Push the Button. I was playing a game on Twitch where the streamer and I had a very long, passionate argument about whether one of my answers in the Opinion Hold made me an alien, which sidelined the game itself, eventually ran us down to like 8 minutes left, and I said, “Look, if I’m able to defend my argument…

Considering that breast milk, cow milk, goat milk, almond milk, soy milk, and oat milk all have the naming convention where the first word is the source of the milk, we already should have been horrified the first time we heard the phrase “toddler milk.”

I got halfway through the article, to the point where you started doing ill-advised experiments on other items, and suddenly I realized I had not read the byline ahead of time and I had unwittingly stepped into The Carruthers Zone.

Video Games

Knowledge is knowing Frankenstein’s monster is black. Wisdom is knowing Frankenstein is black.

I grew up in Nathan’s country, a mere 20-minute drive from the Coney Island original. I’ve always been a firm believer in Gulden’s mustard and hot, toothsome sauerkraut., and that’s it. I never understood the appeal of the Chicago-style dog—seriously, who sees a hot dog and thinks, “this could use some salad on it”?—a…

The moment the show started transitioning from Family Guy But With Animals to what it eventually became was when, fresh off of BoJack getting the call from Herb and abandoning his plans to get back together with Princess Carolyn and not giving her a ride home (oh man, that’s so BoJack! Can’t change this guy, am I…

After taking significant breaks every 2-3 episodes to recover and prepare and savor, I decided to head out to a coffee shop for lunch, just to get myself a coffee and sandwich and do things to take my mind off of the tragic end the series was obviously coming to, even if just for an hour or two before heading back…