“You’re a prison” is such a good comeback.

More because he cracks me up

Boyfriend does this, tampered down from his original line “How you doin’?” Which I quickly killed. I sent him this post this ensued.

Peterson says, “Honestly I never thought we would get into trouble for our relationship.”

Let’s start with why the fuck she is singing in the first place. What kind of asshole party host does that to their guests.

This leaves me with a million levels of confusion. I simply don’t understand what any of this has to do with Murphy beds.

I am an American, and I never really “got” the “greatest country on Earth” marketing either.

Your country cares so little for you that it is necessary to start a GoFundMe for such a basic thing as higher education, so little that it is apparently not normal for children like this to go to school after high school, so little that a father can be murdered by your country’s police every month and nothing…

Wait what. Now I'm scared of this weird sore throat I have right now that is kind of at the base of my throat. Oh god. I'm going to die.

Post Baby!

Ok serious question!

Not necessarily stuck-up, though she might be, but “stupid” is strongly implied. And like not just white, but really white.

every word on urban dictionary is slang for blow jobs.

Once when I was a freshman in high school a fellow nobody freshman approached me to say, “So I just wanted to tell you, there’s this rumor going around that I hooked up with [popular senior boy who absolutely did not know either of us existed], and I wanted to tell people it’s totally not true. Just wanted you to…

Becky is the one in purple.

My now dead grandaddy used to run the heat. In the summer. In Fayetteville, NC. It was a redneck sauna complete with second-hand smoke, the stench of boiled okra, and pet dander.

Boyfriend looks not too handy. Resourceful, though.

New picture of Jesus.

Ceiling fans are for the porch.

I live in Georgia. Get the fuck away from me with your “ceiling fans”.