her father is basically dying, yet she’s spending her time shit-stirring and spreading GOP disinformation on daytime tv.

Kudos for spending the night before bailing. “I regret that I have but one nut to bust for my country.”

I’ve had about 3 dates with a woman who would seem to check all the boxes. She is stunningly beautiful (model and working actress). Successful businesswoman (145 employees). Funny. Intelligent. Good relationships with family and close friends.

I try to stay in a state of semi-lucidity at all times in order to maintain my alcohol-fueled grip on sanity, to be honest.

I don’t think so for a couple reasons.

Blister on his hand sounds like the yanking happened before the game amirite

Because they, too, have seen X-Men: Apocalypse.

The Packers are one big family, so they just assumed that Aaron Rodgers doesn’t want to talk to them anyway.

When asked if he was worried about the threats, Harbaugh responded “Bitch, pleats!”

Going out on a limb here, but publicly threatening to murder your head coach probably isn’t the best way to get your suspension cut short.

It’s perfectly OK to admire someone for their good deeds and also laugh at them when they do hilariously bad shit!

A lesson to never put Katy Perry’s music in the copy machine.

“Can I protest this one?”

And possibly one of the shittiest songs ever recorded. Makes standard issue Diane Warren treacle sound amazing.

Her hit “Fight Song” was Hillary Clinton’s campaign anthem, so this isn’t the first time she’s let America down.

Messi never dated Paris Hilton, so he never got the clap.

It’s almost as though one of them is consciously, systematically aware at every moment of how to make himself look good for the cameras that will broadcast every wave of his arm and muss of his hair to a global TV audience, and the other is Leo Messi.

You are literally just as bad as the person who made that video.

At 20 times Neptune’s orbit, the thing would be visible for generations!!!

If there was a planet due to smack into earth in less than two weeks, first of all: Awesome because I voted for Giant Meteor, and this election was rigged so I’ll take it as making good on a campaign promise.