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Worst place I ever got sick was camping in the Sierra Mountains with my family. After a week of camping, on our last night, I was struck with a really nasty stomach bug. We had spent the afternoon drinking margaritas, so when the first wave of nausea hit, I thought it was the tequila. But no. How I wish it had been…

It’s like Crap Museum Exhibit From a Dude.

I've been giving commencement speeches since...long before anybody paid me to give one. I didn't do it to be cool; I didn't do it to make a statement. I just liked it.

Jim Carrey should be paid more to do an impression of Matthew McConaughey doing that speech.

I believe that's a sciurus vulgaris vulgaris, or red squirrel.

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In order to help with these efforts, we're also proud to announce 5 new Deans and 20 Vice Deans of the 1831 Fund. They will have excessive salaries/benefits and minimal, ambiguous, overlapping, responsibilities.

Best revenge? I gave the photos to our fundy grandmother. Michelle has had to relive her sin at every family gathering since.

Um, 15+6 = 21 , not 23.

They'll likely kill you in the morning.

She was originally going to go with Summer Eve, but decided that would be too douchey...

Are you really fat shaming a baby?

My cat is named Sir David Cattenborough. Haters gonna hate.

It's a spa-dinner combo.

Wait, so it isn't that peeing before sex causes UTIs, rather it is not peeing after p in v sex that causes it. But if you truly have to pee, won't sex with a full bladder be uncomfortable and not worth it. Feels like another way to make straight ladies worry about sex rather than enjoy it.