This is a straight read; and it’s fucking perfect.

Oh for fucks sake, no one is forcing you to read articles you don’t like.

Judge Kara Brown, ladies and gents.

I hate this shit so much. 1) Like Dan said, it’s a sex reveal, not a gender reveal. 2) I hate the adherence to the binary blue for boys, pink for girls element that seems essential to the stunt 3) I hate the idea that public consumption of a pregnancy, totally for internet attention, is now just a reality of having a…

Dear Locomotive Jones,

I love me some Jessica Williams. And Chris O’Dowd just makes everything...better.

Look, I think Susan G. Komen is as full of shit as the next person, but a lot of what you’re buying into is conspiracy theory. I’m the child of a scientist who has spent his career looking for ways to eradicate various cancers, and I can assure you he’s not dicking around for shits and giggles and money. Maybe your…

Thank you for sharing this. Maryam’s passing is hitting the math community pretty hard. Cancer can go ahead and divide by zero.

I would argue that divorce rates are high because marriage was instituted as a custom when the average life expectancy was 29 years old.

Personally, I’m rooting for the lighting rig to fall.

Men think so little of women that when a woman is giving a living wage it literally makes their dicks soft. Your body is proving that your entire self worth is predicated on women being inferior. That’s fucking hilarious and pathetic.

I’m so mad at OoT, and I’m not even the one suffering from the misfortune of being married to him.

Ugh. I took some time off from dating. A few years. I hadn’t had sex in THREE YEARS. I just didn’t prioritize dating. I was like I’ll date when I get the rest of my shit together. Then one day I decided, eh, I’ll never get my shit together, but maybe I’m ready to try this whole online dating thing.

The Tenderman posts on Jezebel using his real name.

Ted Mosby is basically history’s greatest monster. He and JD from Scrubs enabled an army of awful people

I am just so embarrassed.

My all-time most embarrassing Child Of Divorce moment is when I completely melted down during a showing of Field of Dreams at the summer camp my brother and I got sent to the summer after my parents split up.

Daddy’s love? Seriously, the way this pack of emotionally stunted pigdogs root around after the world’s ickiest human trying to get him to notice they’re alive would be pitiable if they weren’t such horror shows.

Yup, shouldn’t have done it, but reading comments on Fox right now. This is my favorite so far: