Here’s why I love Monopoly: My grandpa, who learned to set dice as a Marine, would usually cheat the whole family to make sure I won. I treasure that memory by playing Monopoly today.

But you’re absolutely right, it’s an ass game.

The cats are a metaphor. The cats are Bret Stephens. 

Thank you! I’m very curious if the later game ameliorates the sense of colonizers gonna colonize. 

Is Kotaku going to do a full review at some point? 

Here is a link for anyone who might be unfamiliar with her situation, as I was. 

No, I have an immortality pill for them!

It’s definitely an immortality pill and not poison in any way. 

This is a bad opinion and that’s okay.

When I was sixteen, I applied to a bunch of colleges that were outside my capability and got rejected. It was, at that time, the most painful experience of my young life. (FWIW, I had already been raped.)

If my mom could have fixed the situation with money, and didn’t, I would…

Man, this one’s got layers.

That’s the kind of dynamic pricing model that’s made Uber so successful. 

You’ll rue every unkind word once we send Mark Kelly to the Senate.

...but yeah, you might want to get an STI screening. 

Have you considered going and fucking yourself? 

I have never watched an episode of Vanderpump Rules, but some aspirational magazine that I only read in airports (Harper’s? The New Yorker?) once described it as “being stroked to a low-grade orgasm” and I haven’t been able to get that association out of my head since.

Now you have to share it with me. You’re welcome. 

Not even for political points, but I think we all have a duty to serve our friends who may be suffering from mental illness or suicidal ideation. To me, that means not handing them an easy death mechanism.

I know what I know. Find a new gig. 

Just so I’m clear: you think my friends are domestic abusers/criminals? Seriously that’s your argument? That they can’t pass a background check?

You just don’t understand his crystalline vision for making good journalism via obnoxious Samsung pop-ups. 

I’m so sorry that happened to you! I’m more sympathetic to it happening to a teenager than an adult, and doubly so because you were just trying to share your art.

According to my Twitter feed, a haunted Victorian pencil. 

This is Just to Say

I have eaten
the kids
that were in
the backyard

Who you
probably left for
three to
five minutes

Forgive me
I am thirty to
fifty
feral hogs

It’s a rough week for the Taoiseach; he’s scheduled to meet with Boris, too.