Don't bother. Trump isn't going to be there. It can't be a roast without a target. Now you're just shit talking. Which is fine, but I can get that anywhere.

I saw those ads and wondered, maybe that's what comedy is now. Maybe we've gone too far into irony that the only jokes now are jokes about how bad jokes are, into some meta hell of winking through dad jokes.

That was just because of a cease and desist by Dr. Moreau's lawyers.

Here's how great pizza is: If there are no other options sure, I'll eat Pizza Hut/Dominos/Little Caesars/Fucking Cici's. It's bad as far as pizza goes, but if somebody breaks it out at a party I'm stuffing that shit right into my mouthhole.
Fortunately I live in a place where there are thousands of other, better…

I hate onions, so "enjoying my burrito" would be my guess.

I saw this hilarious sign at my Chipotle:
"FYI This restaurant is currently serving carnitas and chorizo made with port that meets or exceeds all of our animal welfare standards, but not all facets of our antibiotic protocol."
I'm sure it's fine. They can't get burned EVERY time they play it fast and lose with bacteria.

When I scrolled down to read the article, the top line got cut off and this article started with "Abraham Lincoln can tell you, robots may look human, but they certainly don’t feel like it" and I had soooo many questions.

The first one bored the crap out of me. It was too close to the 2002 Spider-man. If Garfield was better, it wasn't enough and the whole thing was just a slightly newer coat of paint on something that was fine to begin with. I didn't see the second one.

Wait, that's what XXX was about?

"I can't believe Rory is pregnant. Everything comes full circle."- Morons, who were somehow blindsided that a woman in her 30's might get pregnant, and also fail to grasp how a woman being pregnant in her early 30's is not full circle storytelling when that story started by her mother getting pregnant at 16. I don't…

Isn't Stephan the combination of Fonzi and Urkel?

It's that 2nd no that's gonna cost you $13M and 30 sponsors.

Don't laugh. Their 90 minute commercial for Donald Trump produced results.

I feel about FJM the way I felt the first time I saw Magnolia. You guys like this?
Seems like art for the sake of art to me.

House of Sharts

"Aye. No me gusta. Mi película está siendo empujada hacia atrás por el estudio y estas naranjas siguen cayendo sobre mi cabeza."

He was trying to kill him. Slowly over time. With diabetes.

Like half of all shows in existence? Jack Bauer, The Doctor, Sherlock Holmes, Peter Griffin, Cliff Huxtable (feel dirty writing that), Tim Taylor, Dr. Gregory House, Archie Bunker, Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, Sterling Archer, Thomas Magnum, etc.
This is kind of a dumb question.

Oranges are better than apples.

Ronin was better than Blade.