I call bullshit on this story. There’s no way Joe Buck has a friend.

Police: “Freeze!”

He better hope this doesn’t result in a court appearance. We all know how much trouble Mayweather has with sentences.

So this guy makes a big financial commitment to a long-term contract and then tries to walk away from it after the first year. Who does this asshole think he is, the Marlins?

“It’s just hard to believe the dog was nasty when she took Lamby to every green room with her when Girls was still a thing 4 years ago.”

“We take issues of this nature extremely seriously and have a zero-tolerance police for any professional misconduct,”

I live in Memphis and used to eat at this restaurant until a friend of mine posted about her experience working there - they leave open breastmilk in the fridge, use expired products, essentially just microwave gardein patties and treat their employees like GARBAGE. They have been running wild on social media for a…

Thou shall not steal motherfuckers. Which commandment is this one?

This comment is why I love being a lawyer. I love helping someone who has been wronged CRUSH the opposition.

There’s really nothing remarkable here. Lots of athletes take time out of their schedule to visit retarded children.

THAT’S NOT HOW YOU SPELL BOUGIE! I refuse to let that go. Goddamn kids.

I don’t get how these people sleep at night, I really don’t. It’s a special kind of low, preying on the poor and elderly in the name of “charity.”

JOKE EXPLANATION FOR THE YOKEL (cue “Spanish Flea”)

God, someone just stab him with a foreign object already, would they?

Of all the things that I hate about LaVar, nothing bothers me as much as the weird thing he does with his hands as he walks.

Trump does what the extremists want and then sends Ivanka out to assure the rest of us that he’s actually pro-environment, pro-gay rights and pro-sanity. It’s just the latest iteration of the very successful long-con the Trump family has succesfully been perpetrating on the American public, trying to be all things to…

Serena isn’t trying to sell stuff in every single social media moment. That’s the difference. Sharapova is more brand than person, that’s the point. Which you missed.

What kind of monster tells Dolan not to quit his day job?

Man, I haven’t seen a Chicago team fuck up a draft-day trade this badly since...two months ago.

I just really like pretty cakes.