Make plenty of martinis

I love love love Mary Beard!!!! I have nothing else. Nothing pithy, I just love her

Thank you Mario! But our flotus is in another castle!

Well life expectancy is around 80 in the western hemisphere. At 40, you’re in the middle of your life span.

She’s dead, isn’t she?

Guys who get creepy about virgins and “taking someone’s virginity” are not good guys. Also, that expression needs to die

Having a midwife is on the same level as being anti-vaxx? I live in a country where all uncomplicated prenatal care and all uncomplicated births are handled by nurses and midwives. You only see a doctor if there are any problems. It’s totally uncontroversial. Also, for the love of everything holy, vaccinate your…

That’s what people look like if they don’t get fillers, botox, derm abrasions, laser peels, etc. every week. Hollywood has really warped people’s perception of what 35+ looks like

I would like to think that Kanye “slavery was a choice” West would have managed to fuck up his career even without Kim

Isn’t that an old photo though? She’s probably had several other faces since

I said “no platitudes” and you bring up the Dalai fucking Lama?!?! Are you fucking kidding me? And you know nothing about my childhood so here’s a gentle advice: stfu. And don’t don’t ever, ever, ever bring up that Dalai Lama crap to someone who is genuinely depressed and suicidal

Not everyone is loved, and platitudes are insulting to those who are struggling

Unless you’re a contortionist or use mirrors, you’ve never been able to see your vagina, Cardi B. Do you mean pubic mound?  

It looks like a rejected outfit from Star Trek TOS. But not in a good way

She’s probably the only one not wearing three layers of spanx. Loose dresses ftw!

Send him to college abroad. He’d be forced to do laundry, pick up after himself, feed himself, pay bills, etc. And maybe a proper education could knock some sense into him. I don’t think any professors would be impressed with the stupid crap he’s been spewing on twitter, pretending he understands math and physics

Good, but not enough random capitalization 

“Schlapp”? 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 I wonder if she’ll marry me so I too can be called “Schlapp”. I would get a title to go with it. “Doctor Schlapp” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Can someone explain “subrweeting” to this old person? Go slowly and use small words. The only social media I have is instagram, but I don’t even use hashtags. I know how those work though