My birthday is January 13th. This came as advantage to me as a kid because 1) it’s far enough away from Christmas that your parents can’t combine everything and 2) winter—post-Christmas—is the most goddamn depressing time of the year, so I talked my parents into leaving the tree up until my birthday so it felt like Chr…

HE IS A STUPID MORAN!

Everyone who came here for the tentacle monster mention raise your.. hand?

For a second I thought you were serious.

For a second I thought you were serious. I wonder how many of the people who starred your post thinks you are serious.

Okay, now is the point where we just say nonsense things. Rocky V was the best Rocky. There. Is that contrarian enough for everybody?

Nah, what’s gonna happen is, they’ll beat the Packers, lose a close one to Atlanta (probably by an officiating error so it doesn’t really feel like a loss), scrap out a win against Seattle and Arizona to really make you think they’re legit this year and by god it’s actually gonna happen, finish out the season resting…

I’m not really sure we can call this Brady “pushing” the sketchball on him when sleazy Canucks owner is attempting to verbally fellate Brady to get him to talk to his players.

Take your record and your dumb shirt and cut your losses.

GET IT? IT’S BECAUSE SHE CARES SO LITTLE ABOUT HIM, SHE COULDN’T BE BOTHERED TO REMEMBER HIS NAME IN THIS 1,000-WORD MASTERPIECE!

Son, that there is a sentence, not a paragraph.

I would literally read ONE item, and have to look away, scroll down, back up...it was an irritating dance before I eventually powered through it. Pretty sure I still skimmed over places.

Is this some kind of meta joke, like the soccer-mom version of PFTCommenter? Holy shit I couldn’t read this shit...yet it was just so perfectly bad and lacking in awareness as to strike me as oddly impressive.