Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee-yup.

I just lost all of my kid’s Christmas gift money on FanDuel!

One time when I was a kid, I saw a squirrel that got hit by a car. Both of its back legs were broken. I asked my mom what would happen to it, and she told me it would probably die pretty soon because it couldn’t defend itself or get food. It made me really sad. And for the first time in my life, I really thought about…

I’d ask that bartenders do something to make an open area in front of the bar. I’m fine with people sitting at the bar, but there’s also that cluster of people who aren’t ordering drinks that are constantly in the way.

And I’ll tip you a dollar a drink, every time a “how to tip your bartender” article is made it seems…

I do the exact same thing and without fail your tab will be missing a few items. Make it clear you’re generous upfront without being obnoxious and it’s usually returned in kind

That’s one game. Proves nothing. Here’s a better theory:

Nah, courts in Florida, Arizona, Louisiana, Kentucky, and Missouri would all look the other way. Probably Arkansas and Indiana, too.

Again, I think it’s going to be more than just the color-blind folks struggling tonight.

The ball must move from the ground to the center’s taint...it is not a requirement that the ball be passed to the QB.

True, but nobody pays me too right.

So says the guy who misused both "weeks" and "then."

What if a colorblind guy comes to a stoplight that runs horizontal? Does he just use his gut?

Yeah dude! Just don’t judge me ‘cuz I take it with a lot of cream and sugar. :(

Right, and the pastors just rape the boys in their churches. So lets go and shut down every church because the leader is raping little boys.

Amy Sedaris looks fabulous. This woman is honestly just going to look like a heavily-made up prune.

RE: prices of bread

What if not everyone pooped?

That sounds like almost every day at work for me except I’m the only one doing those things. But I only show up an hour late and only take a 30-minute lunch at my desk. If there’s nothing to do I’m commenting on stuff here. Sometimes I think about getting a new job but the freedom probably can’t be replicated anywhere…

Christmas and New Years Day match up every year. That’s how calendars work.