The parts that got me are where she gasps in horror at “populist” messages from the Democrat stage like... what the ever-loving fuck do you think Trump is exactly if not a populist?

How does The Onion even come up with ideas anymore?

Tannehill sounds exactly like the name of a place that would have a Confederate statue.

He’s like a confederate statue out there!

Don’t forget, they’re also alleged “titans of industry” in an array of fields unrelated to sports, as well. These clowns are our New American Aristocracy, the best our particular strain of capitalism can apparently develop.

If the NFL doesn’t know what a catch is, how could they ever understand a catch-22?

Peacefully protesting the anthem is far less detrimental to the Dolphins than starting Ryan Tannehill at QB every week.

I think Sarah Huckabee Sanders is fully aware she has passed the point of stress-free living being an option. She is the PR face of the Trump regime. She will never again until the day she dies be able to go into a restaurant without wondering how many people pissed in her soup. In her mind, the only option is riding…

Hell, see you for life Sarah. Does she really think she’s going to have a normal life after this is all over? None of these horrible people realize it’s not poltics, it’s moral. That’s a different, deeper violation altogether.

Just like anyone who belongs to that party: everything. They're scared of everything

“Democrats...no matter who they are” is EXACTLY the problem. More Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, less Joe Crowley. More Kamala Harris, less Dianne Feinstein. 

It’s now the conspiracy theory party. Full on transition. A few years ago, we used to laugh at Alex Jones and condemn his stupid thoughts. Now those same thoughts are on Fox News and being repeated by Senators and House members. It’s legit frightening how stupid a large portion of our country is.

Over / Under on him becoming a regular contributor to Fox News is about two weeks in my book, and I’m thinking the under will pay off.

“Inarguably inferior Croatia side”?? What??? This is a team that survived two straight penalty shootouts before this game, destroyed Argentina like a college football team destroys a high school freshmen team, kicked the hosts of this World Cup out of the tournament, has an amazing amount of experience in…

They typed “Police” on your receipt because your egotistical ass said “officer” then “police officer” when they asked for your name. Why give someone that stupid a gun and badge?

Yeah!

Wait, this counterpoint doesn’t have the usual number of insults about how I must have never played sports as a child. I’m going to need you to remedy that immediately.

First, the idea that Devin Booker isn’t worth the max is not outrageously stupid. I’m perfectly willing to admit there is plenty of merit to that idea.

This guy clearly deserves to be the next GOP Speaker of the House - he’s been living the Hastert Rule since well before he entered Congress. 

This is a huge stumper for me as well. I’d like to know more of the reasons (assumed or otherwise) why Paul George would sign with OKC vs. Lakers. If I were him, I’d rather sign up fro LeBron’s shadow than Westbrook’s. The former actually has a chance of winning and it would be in his hometown.