I flew from San Francisco to Columbus, OH for Christmas a few years ago on United. Of course this is an all day affair that requires going through Newark. I purchased my tickets late enough that I booked the last seat. What I didn’t know at the time was that I had booked first class, so this story does have some…

This is what I see when I look at my car: The world’s angriest goldfish!

WOOT! Columbus Car Crew checking in!

Could you get the wheels, too? I’ll bet pee would be great for removing brake dust.

Silly string is funny. Dog poop? As long as you give me a chance to roll up my windows first...

I certainly wouldn’t drive around with that on my car. I’d be afraid of the “tolerant” “nonviolent” left keying my car or throwing a brick at me on the freeway. Hypocrites. (See other comments below.)

Yep. Save them for your nephews in barns under old debris. Fifty-odd years ought to do it.

I’m sorry, that’s funny right there. I don’t know why everyone seems to have a stick up their ass. Children literally fit the definition of “parasite:”

noun-
an organism that lives in or on another organism (its host) and benefits by deriving nutrients at the host’s expense