I wish I was high right now 2. Unfortunately I'm sober as a judge. I just can't help seeing simpsons references everywhere.

on yik yak there was a huge debate about the word “feminist.” guys and girls wanted a new word for it even those who claimed they were feminists. because the word has “fem” in it, they feel it’s one-sided. there was someone who said they were a girl and just shit all over feminists. “she” got so many upvotes. i hate…

I pretended to be straight for 20 years. Does that count?

Sounds like all y’all need to toke up and chillllll.

Also from the AFA’s dumbass petition:

He is such a recall to Bruce’s groovy-yet-healthy All-American 1970s past. Brandon, I feel, is truly sensitive, earned his man-ponytail status walking uphill both ways. And I’m sure he ate a lot of Wheaties. :p

They probably decaf the duck out of you for being rude to them over something they have no control over.

See now, I don’t get this. Do you also go to McDonald’s and order a “Double Decker Patty Sandwich With Special Sauce On A White Bun Adorned With Small Seeds Often Associated With Asian Cuisine”?

I never understood why the Starbuck’s system is viewed as being so difficult for some, and others will STAND THEIR GROUND about not using it. We had TONS of people coming in going “I JUST WANT A REGULAR CUP OF COFFEE!!!! NONE OF THIS TALL/GRANDE LATTE BULLSHIT!!! CAN YOU JUST GET ME A REGULAR CUP OF COFFEE, NOW!!!!!!”

I use “small, medium, large” too, but the people working the counter are just doing their jobs. They’re not the ones who came up with arbitrary terminology for the coffee sizes.

You’ll be finding that desert sand everywhere for weeks.

I have had the good fortune to examine a vintage Kotex pamphlet from 1945, entitled "As one girl to another..."

Ewwww, Trefoils. SAMOAS 4eva!

Late to the party tonight....but wanted to share my amazing weekend so far. Celebrated my first year of sobriety with my AA group last night and it was amazing....and to top that, today I got an official date and time as to when my visitation with my kids starts. I haven't seen them in a year (my ex is a bit on the…

Right. No cracker is going to be better than pizza, wine, or cookies. (shameless plug for #teamcookie) I think we can all agree that Ritz is the king of crackers. There is no debate. Okay, except Cheez-It's are amazing, but I think cheese crackers need their own category.

Her body is a goddamn amusement park.

K, kids. I'm going to bed. Past 10p on the West Coast. (Pretty neat, BTW, frogs are croaking outside my window. Love that. They have come back after the drought.)

His name was Javier and I met him when I worked at the bookstore in college. He was super hot, but that's because all he cared about in the world was his body. Good for him! Good for him. But between working out and moisturizing and hair care and trimming and and and, there was...not much left. But super hot and…

The thing is, I totally get it. I was at a meeting with some people and, during the small talk portion, we were talking about TV shows. When asked what his favorite show was, my coworker said, "I really like Wheel of Fortune." He 100% should have lied.