Do you write?  You should write a memoir.  I would read it.  

Oh.  My god.  

Who the fuck is Eric Swalwell.  

No one here is suggesting that you have a ‘nefarious anti-queer agenda,’ or that you are ‘ruining the planet.’  Lol.

Jezebel really, really, really needs more LGBTQ+ people on staff.

Well, I will see you on that hill tomorrow at the break of down, with our tiny swords cut out of LaCroix cans.  

How much worse does it sound if I mention that the gym has two bars?

I was making fun of all the perfectly toned young people at my bougie gym’s pool bar for drinking Bon & Viv’s, but then my friend bought me one and I had to scramble to find other things to make fun of.  Spiked seltzer is good.

I gave you a star because I agree that LaCriox does not deserve disparagement, even though peach-pear is objectively their worst flavor. Yeah, I said it, objectively the worst flavor.

I’D SOONER DRINK FROM A SNOT BUCKET THAN A COMMON TAP, YOU PLEBE.

LaCroix is...okay. I like the apricot, and the key lime. But I prefer Waterloo, if I feel like having flavor in my sparkling water.

Oops, looks like you misspelled ‘Waterloo.’  

LOL Uganda has doctors, you fucking moron.

This is the American immigration system doing exactly what it has been set up to do, and it is not in need of reform—it is in need of abolition.

This brings tears to my eyes.  

I hate money.

Link/s?  I believe you...but I don’t want to believe you...

My insurance company is denying coverage for my top surgery, which was supposed to happen at the end of July. Which major corporation should I reach out to?

Oh my god, you aren’t kidding, are you.  There’s going to be a movie...?